International Night

Tonight was International Night at school. We serenaded by the entire lower school waving flags representing the various countries they have been studying all year. They have done crafts, learn facts, prepared and tried new foods. The girls Pre-K class partnered with a kindergarten class in Canada and have exchanged packages and also Skyped with their northern friends on the smart board in the classroom. It's been pretty fabulous. Before I go any further.. if you haven't already seen THIS on Stephen's FB page.. I suggest you click and enjoy.

Moving on. After the performance there was a fun skit by some of the 3rd graders (?) in Spanish and then the entire 3rd grade class did this fun song where they named all the South American countries and their capitals. Then half the alphabet of parents were released to do the next phase of the night and the rest of us watched a great video compilation of each classroom and what they had done in studying their various countries. 

Then it was our turn to move on. This meant visiting the girls classroom to pick up their little Passports (complete with little photos of them inside - eek! the cuteness!!). Then we got to visit each classroom and get their passports stamped and take a look first hand at what the teachers and kids had been learning. It.Was.Awesome.

In India (Kindergarten) the girls were thrilled to recognize the Indian music playing in the background as the same music we hear on Sundays in the car on the way home from Church. They reminded us that Baby Adam lives in India and then went straight for the beautiful clothing some kind family agreed to share. Had to take a picture with their favorite sparkly dress.

Then in Kenya there were the Giraffes. For those who aren't aware Ada's absolute favorite animal on the planet is a "B'Jaff". She can say it the right way now but man it was so cute the old way. Margot is trying out a new look for the camera.. again.

Brazil brought with it Carnival and the girls went straight for the fancy. Indicating favorites here.

Guatemala had some beautiful dolls .. like a bee to honey are my girls to fanciness.

Guatemala also had one of these.. a marimba? Perhaps? Forgot.

Tonight was one of those nights that I was overwhelmed with the blessing of being a part of this school. I have no idea how many years that blessing will last but I am so grateful for each day in this community.

Morning Light

Stephen caught Margot joining me for my quiet time one morning a few weeks back. 

She had shared some of my yogurt and granola and then run back inside to get her own little devotional (a Golden Book "Prayers for Children" that someone gave us as a baby gift"). She read me each page.

 

It was so chilly that morning and the air was full of song birds calling to one another - hidden in our tangle of trees and English ivy.

Soon Ada joined us and sweet little girl prayers turned to full on bird watching.

This blog was started as a way to share daily life with loved ones. When I look back I see carefully recorded moments in my life as a mother of infant twins. Then Frankie arrived and things tapered drastically. I have spent a lot of time being in the moment in the last few weeks. That means fewer pictures taken and no updates here. What does it mean to spend every moment doing something with a member of your family.. or doing something to take care of your family ..or yourself? It leaves little time for anything else. This happens to be one of the things that I need to do to take care of myself. It takes time and for that reason alone I have tried to avoid it to see if it was truly necessary to my life. I find myself feeling backed up and unable to remember all the beautiful instants in my days because my mind fills and spills and there is nothing there to catch the runoff. So I find this place a necessity. As such I am going to attempt to treat it with the same reverence I hold for my thrice weekly trips to the Y to swim the laps that are a necessary lifeblood for this weary mind. I need a place to spill and some spills are neat and others are messy. Today it's a neat spill of a treasured moment. The moment itself was treasured but then there's the fact that Stephen saw it and wanted to capture it. There is nothing like your husband wanting to record something you are doing. To capture your image in the same moment your heart is storing away treasures for later years. I just said moment about 38 times.

Thank you for not abandoning hope - those of you who still stop by to see if I am still breathing over here ;)

Popcicles with Daddy

Springish

Look what I found! I buried some bulbs that Mariel sent me last year in this old planter that mom gave me. Nothing happened. I resisted the urge to dump the whole thing in the move and set it next to the porch when we were moving in and the other day I looked down and voila! Springness!! Isn't it pretty??? I hope I haven't signed it's death warrant bringing it up onto the porch. I am known for killing un-killable plants and these are clearly thriving because I didn't know they existed and haven't had a chance to "care for them" yet. Ha! So cheery at the front door!

When I went to upload the flower picture I came across this cute series that Stephen must have taken. Margot, reading Frankie her bedtime story. Look at that big baby. 

She knows what she wants and usually gets it. 

Those eyes.. look away quick! She will have us all doing her homework in a few years!!

Then Ada came to help out. Sorry.. there is nothing cuter than twin big sisters reading to their baby sister. Goodness how I love my wheelbarrow full of girls.

The things my kids say

So I have my head back on a little straighter than that last post. I have realized recently that I am not using this blog to remember things about my girls as often as I used too. Lately the three of them have been growing and changing so fast it is hard to keep track of. Here's a couple of things from this week. 

Ada watching Curious George the Movie (the scene where George and The Man sleep outside in the park): "Mom... Poor Man! George can sleep where ever he is but The Man has to sleep in a house!" 

We are a little obsessed with George these days. Frankie (very enthusiastically) calls him "Gore". The Man in the Yellow Hat is apparently Gore's Daddy. 

The girls asked me in the car yesterday if you could eat a lobster's "pinch". 

Frankie wondered into the kitchen yesterday and saw me putting dinner on the table. She then proceeded to call everyone to dinner - one at a time. "Aya!!! Aya!!" "Go-go!!! Go-go!!!" She would call each person and then go take them by the hand and lead them to their place at the table. It was really adorable when she led the big girls to their seats but when she went back for Daddy and lead him to his I got a little choked up. Sometimes she feels like the glue that keeps our little family so close. We all adore her so much. 

Another fun Frankie fact. When she rides in the car she likes to hold her sisters hands. Sometimes she holds one twins hand while sucking her little thumb. Looking in the rear view mirror and seeing the three of them sweetly holding hands and singing to themselves ... be still my heart. 

Anonymous Me

 Sometimes I get to feeling anonymous in my life. I would say invisible but I know I am seen in these times, I just feel unknown. Anonymous. In these moments I look back at my past in pictures and try to find moments when I was known.. at least to myself.

The girl who was thrilled to have the original fixtures in her prewar bathroom in that tumble down apartment building in Jersey. 

The girl who was happier in her green kitchen in Brooklyn than anywhere else she could dream up at the time. 

The birthday girl in the botanical gardens, crushing on her Stephen. 

The girl sitting next to her sister- in- law on the downtown A. 

The girls whose best friend came to see where, and how she lived. 

The girl who loved her puppy, perhaps a little too much. 

The girl who happened to be in town when baby Maddie was born and was absolutely terrified to hold her tiny body. 

The girl who could see Manhattan from her kitchen window. The girl who was glad it was in the distance. Glad the row houses were up close instead.

The girl who watched her best friend become a mother, and was sure she wasn't ready to be one herself yet.

The girl who sold her last Volvo for scrap metal in Jersey.. but not before scrambling to retrieve the mix tape still in the cassette player. 

The girl who followed the family of geese on their stroll through Greenwood.

The girl with her family in the field in Maine. 

The girl watching Stephen and David playing baseball with lobster floats on an island only reachable by ferry.

 

The girl who didn't go on that Kayak ride with Stephen and Ollie. The one where Ollie was sure he was meant for life on the open sea. 

 

The girl who suddenly couldn't hide the fact that she was pregnant with twins when this belly appeared at 16 weeks... and just kept growing.

The girl sitting at the computer screen tonight has a weary heart. Why is it so easy to feel alone? You can feel alone when you are surrounded by loved ones. Surrounded by friends. Well maybe you can't but I sure can. I do it all the time. I see people I love.. I keep in touch with people I want to love. Then a few unanswered text messages later I am in doubt. Doubt of the relationship. Doubt of whether to speak into that relationship and ask if something is wrong. Doubt is my go to instrument of self punishment and torture. "I must have texted too much and now they are tired of me." "I really should only text when I actually have a question... not just to check in and say hi." "They probably think I only text when I need something and not just to keep in touch." It never ends. I can do no right in these moments. I want to believe that the relationships I think I have are actually as strong as I think. I want to nurture them.. but how to do it without smothering them ? How to be sure that they actually exist in the first place? Faith is all I have. Faith that I am not crazy or that I am and need to get over it. So I try to walk away to keep from feeling hurt. I try to keep my eyes on my own path. But the creeping feeling that always overtakes me is that of anonymity. That I only think I am known to my loved ones but in fact I am known only to myself. If my loved ones really knew me they would know I was suffering and would tell me not to worry about lack of contact .. that they hadn't forgotten me. I know how selfish each word of this sounds. I am keenly aware of that. The shame of my own selfish heart is another thing that keeps me locked in my anonymous box. If I let someone truly know me and they walk away, even for a moment, I won't handle it well. I will selfishly desire for them to help me feel loved, thought about, cared for. I have decided all of this is ultimately a distraction from my relationship with the Lord. A way for me to focus on myself and have a pity party for what I perceive as lack of care from those around me.. when I am adrift in an ocean of care from my Abba Father. When I retreat into me, I retreat from everyone around me.  I lock myself away and wonder why no one has come calling. Come and find me! I seem to be calling to the world at large. Why is it so hard to see that each time I do this I am only hurting myself ? That if I could just keep walking hand in hand with Him I wouldn't have to hide and feel sorry for myself ? Tonight I was fighting a losing battle with that downward spiral. It usually helps to admit to it.

The girl who puts her faith in all the wrong places.

Living Room

 So during the renovation the living room was used as the "staging" area for the painting supplies and just about everything else. I have looked everywhere but I can't find the original pictures of the house that show the wall to wall bookcase that was in this room but if you look at that little strip of green there on the wall and imagine a set of bookshelves the length of the room that will give you an idea of what was there. We wanted more wall space, since we have so much art to hang, and the shelving just seemed to make the room feel small. So down they came on the first day in the house. Turns out they weren't even attached to the wall. Kind of held up by paint, if you will. Frankie would have had those on the floor the first week in. Safety first folks!

My neighbor tells me we are the 5th or 6th owners of this house since it was built in 1965. At some point one of the former owners put these lovely lights in the living room. They are each on a separate dimmer which made my Dad and his buddy, our home inspector, chuckle and make a few jokes about evening disco sessions. As an artists family we kinda liked them. We can literally adjust the lighting in every corner of that room and highlight the work that is hung there. Not too much went into this room other than paint and patching and taking down the old blinds and such. Had to put down some new baseboard. Patch a hole in the wall where someone had tried to create a vent that would allow heat from the fireplace downstairs to warm the living room. Nice idea but we didn't want to eaves drop on overnight guests so - patched. Also it was right in the middle of the stinkin' wall. Right above the back of the couch but too low to hang a painting over. See it there in the picture? On the left wall. There were a lot of decisions made in the life of this house that still baffle me. 

Anyway now it looks like this! Again with the lovely windows to look out of. Lots of bird watching here just like in the kitchen. That funny little shape under the rug is a rug pad that was too small. Took these pictures the day after we got the rug and we hadn't fixed that yet. Now it just looks like a plain old rug with a pad that fits it. One of the most delightful things about this house - particularly our things IN this house is how they all seem to be made for each other. We have been collecting mid-century vintage furniture since we got married. We have always liked the style of the 50s and early 60s. Also it used to be the stuff that you could get at Goodwill and that was where we went to find furniture. Now people snag the nicer pieces and and put them on Craigslist. Still I just love the way it looks like we planned the furnishings when really this is just the stuff we had. The stuff we loved then and the stuff we love even more here. The couch is new. We bought two new couches for this house because our old one was just a disaster after three babies and a puppy. But this one is from the early 60s too. It's a sleep sofa that is so old the frame is made of iron and it weighs as much as a locomotive. I found it for a cool $100 on good ol' Craigslist. We have some super awesome friends who love us lots and lots because somehow we were able to find guys to help Stephen go pick up this beast and it's sister and then move them here once we were done with the house. Love you guys. You know who you are.

That is a tiny Ada over by the stairs being my "model" on the day these pictures were taken. This room gets a lot of use as you can imagine. I love the line of sight from the kitchen. The girls love to run the length of the house when they get all worked up and need something active to do in the afternoon on "inside days". There is so much light that fills this room at any time of day - it makes it a super cheerful place to hang out. 

And now since Frankie has been awake for the last 2 hours and I have been going back and forth trying to figure out how to help her get back to sleep.. I am going to bed while Stephen gives it a try.