Lights Out

Stephen and I rode home in the dark tonight. When our train pulled into West 4th and I saw that the car was dark, my first thought was that the power was out in there and that it was going to feel like a dark furnace of body heat. One of those "Aren't you glad you use Dial?" moments. We poked our heads in anyway when the doors opened and it was pleasantly cool, the lights being the only thing out of order. It was sort of late already, but though the train was full there were seats for most and we gratefully sat down by the door. I have not ridden in a completely dark subway car before. It was like being in some rickety roller-coaster hurtling towards an unknown dip or loop. The lights on the walls of the tunnels flashed in, illuminating the faces of our fellow passengers. Everyone was quiet. At one point, after we had crossed the bridge and were on Brooklyn soil, the train came to a stand-still waiting for it's turn to enter the station. We sat for at least 5 minutes. After the first 2 minutes passed, people began taking out various electronic devices (cell phones, iPods, Blackberries) and soon the car was filled with the wan glow of so many LCD screens. I guess most people don't like sitting in the dark. I thought it was exhilarating. But then again, I felt pretty safe sitting there next to Stephen.

In other news, two NYPD detectives showed up Sunday night to check on us. They were following up on our burglary !!! They came to see if our landlord had paid restitution and find out if we wanted to press charges. Of course we did not want to press charges, and we were shocked that the detectives took the time to come out to our little place to tie up the loose ends of our tiny little theft. Gave me a little more faith in those cops that do so love to run red lights.

Facebook and the week in review

Vineyard Men (1995?) - Day Off at Carowinds
Rene, Amin, Josh, Ryan, Carson, Andy, Guillome (?), Jeremy



Vineyard Ladies (1995?) - Day Off at Carowinds
_____, me, Kate, Katie(?), _____, Rebecca


So I have joined Facebook, at the suggestion of Ms. Julie and I am certainly glad I did!! As opposed to my brief experience with MySpace, when I go into Facebook I am greeted by loads of familiar and friendly faces that I had no idea how to find. Props on the "Old Skool Vineyard" group Julie!! The pictures are amazing. Ah, the nostalgia. Those easy days when you spend the summer working 24 hours a day for that brilliant $35 check to blow on your day off. But the friendships made were forged in steel and ...blabbity blah blah blah, cheesy statement and more cheese and mushy sentences.
Conclusion: I love my Vineyard buds and its awesome to be able to reach them all in one place. Cheers to that.

We have been reading The Deathly Hallows, the latest and last Harry Potter book. I say we because Stephen and I always read HP out loud to each other. It takes 3 times as long to finish it this way but we enjoy it. We have also listened to all of the books on tape with Jim Dale as the narrator. These are priceless and if you haven't tried one yet, I highly recommend it. The man is a ..er.. wizard with voices. Makes long drives and rainy days incredibly entertaining. Of course all of this only applies to those who actually enjoy HP... if you are one of those who think he is a satanic character in an evil book series that Christians should be ashamed of themselves for reading and instead burn in mass protest.. please disregard.

I finally got my hair cut this week. It has been in dire need of some shape for many moons. I have not had it cut since I was last in NC and got to go and see Toby. Toby is my southern hair genius in Greensboro. He and I have reached that much sought after level of friendship between hair stylist and client. I get a great hug when I show up and the hair cut doesn't last long enough for us to dish all our latest news. I make an appointment every single time I am home, whether I need it or not. I have finally found someone I like here though, her name is Aurora and she is Albanian. Wednesday, as I walked the mile and a half from my office on 50th and 5th to Aurora's shop on 74th and 2nd, I found myself wishing I was walking to see Toby. Aurora is very sweet and I she does an excellent job but she is very quiet and I miss my Toby hugs. I also started to get nervous about the tips. That's right, I stress about tipping in the city. I know who I need to tip and have learned the appropriate amounts. The stress in this situation comes from needing to tip the person that washes your hair. I have no problem getting my tip to Aurora, and am thrilled to do it. But, for some reason, it is always hugely awkward to tip the hair washer for me. This time was no different. I left my bag in the other room, so when the sweet woman who washed my hair walked me back to Aurora's station and handed me my glass of water, I grabbed my bag from the floor where I had left it and fumbled around for my wallet while she stood there for a moment. As soon as I located my wallet and plunged in for the tip, she turned and walked into the back room. I held my tip out with burning cheeks and uttered some guttural version of "wait.. here..thank you" but it was lost. So then I was faced with the decision of whether to follow her and give her the tip or just let it go. I have followed in the past but this time decided to just let it go. Mistake. Felt horrible for the duration, particularly when she came 3 times to sweep up the hair around the chair while Aurora was working. Damn!!! Why am I so awkward like that?! I never had to worry about that at home, Toby washes my hair himself. I never worried in Florida because Stephen is the one who cut my hair then. Tipping is so ungraceful an act. Next time she will probably accidentally wash my hair with Nair or something. Despite my self imposed anxiety, my hair looked great. I took a cab on the way back to the office and the cabby actually called me "doll" and "doll face" several times. As in "Thank you so much!" (me handing him my tip) " Anything for you, doll face!". Silly as it seems, I left the cab grinning.

I went to my last Summer Associate event on Thursday. It was a sailboat ride on the Hudson. This is my favorite event that we do. Its so calm and everyone has to stay seated so I don't have to mingle and small talk. I just sit with Carol and Abigail away from the group and visit with them. I am not that anti-social but small talk and visiting really takes it out of me. I like to have real conversations. I am not very good at small talk either. I run out of topics quickly and am left staring over the other person's shoulder before one of us decides to "get another drink" and gracefully departs. People at work must think I am not much of an admin. I try really hard though. I smile and make eye contact and try to look interested in what is being said, praying inside that the group will continue to talk amongst itself and I won't be called upon to contribute. Yikes, I am making myself sound like a social freak today.

After boating and on the way to the next spot, I had a very interesting conversation with one of our summers. Early in the summer, at our wine tasting event, this particular summer was talking to Malani and I and blurted out something about his blog. We asked what it was called and he was tight lipped for a moment. Then I revealed that I too had a blog and that I would tell him the name of mine if he would share his. He agreed, and I checked it out the first chance I got. I have been reading it ever since. I thought for sure that he would never remember the name ( I don't know why I thought that since he is in the top of his class at law school ). Well I was wrong. We got to talking as we were leaving Chelsea Piers and he told me he had been reading it and just wanted to know what happened with Florida. I was a little caught off guard at first, and let him know I had been reading his too. This was my first experience talking to someone who had been reading my blog, other than close friends or family. I have to say it was pretty neat. It wasn't like we were instant friends or anything but there was a nice familiarity there. We talked about Stephen and his wife and how each of us met and how we ended up in NY. He is from VA, so even though he is not a Carolina boy there is some common ground there both being from Confederate States. Anyway, the experience of having a relative stranger talk to me about my blog was one I have never had and I just wanted to say it wasn't bad. It was nice to dispense with the small talk for a change.

Well I better bring this to a close.
Regarding Florida, what Ellen said in her comment was right on. I am still processing it all but Stephen and I feel a definite change in our way of life. I am fighting depression a little still and am trying to soften the edge I seem to have picked up around the house. I have no reason to be depressed at all its just... going through all that anxiety for such a long time has left me a bit empty. I am a little more emotional than I would like to be and my mind is whirring with desires and plans and doubts etc. It's a pain, but it would have been doing the same thing if we were in Florida right now. I just need to clear my head and get my faith back in place. I have everything to be thankful for and I do, in fact, like where I am, it's just hard to keep that disappointment at bay sometimes.
Anyway, if you made it to the end of this wandering post, I offer my congratulations.. it was a doozy.

Later!

SIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah.. so the whole moving to Florida thing.. that's not happening. I guess I underestimated that .0000001% chance and it's exacting its revenge upon our life plans and goals.

So we are staying put here in Brooklyn. Yay. No seriously, yay. I really do mean it...yay. Well maybe not as "yay" as the cute little yellow house I had picked out for us in Sarasota.... but .. yeah, Brooklyn is a "yay" . Not as "yay" as the great little yard that Oliver would have been able to run in or the garden area I would have grown tomatoes and parsley in but..sure.. "yay" is appropriate, I think. Yeah. Yay for Brooklyn and for subways to ride and laundry to push down the sidewalk. Yay for no washer and dryer in our house. Icky! Who wants to do their laundry right there in the house?! That's just no fun at all! No it's much more fun to carry your groceries from the store in Union Square down through the subway halls to the train and then stand in the crowded car with your bags before walking the 5 blocks from the 36th Street stop to 193A and our 3rd floor walk up. SO much better than having a car to and a parking lot and a kitchen on a ground floor. Gross!! Yeah, you guys out there in the suburbs just don't know what you are missing out on man! I got serious muscles and I haven't worked out like.. ever! It's all from just trying to live in this concrete jungle. Pretty convenient actually. It is all good. You know it! Word! Word to your mother 'n stuff. Word to your grandmother even. Yo.

I pretty much don't want to talk about the whole saga anymore but I will say that in the end Stephen and I decided that it just wasn't the right decision and even though we were still waiting on a definitive answer on whether the position would even be available (%$#@#?!?!!!?!) we came to the conclusion that it was just not the right choice. There were multiple factors involved in this decision but the main two were A) time and B) money. Not enough of either to warrant relocation from our comfy little abode here. So, there you have it ..in a nutshell. Sorry ya'll. Feel horrible that everyone in our lives had to watch this train wreck but hey.. that's just the risk you accept in reading this particular blog. Hope it hasn't been as painful for you as it was for us.

We are happy with our decision... just a little bruised right now. It's been a long 3 months. We have big plans for our remaining time here. We are constantly reminded that we have no idea how long (or short) that might be. At any rate, one of those big plans is to find a new job for Stephen. So that's our next big undertaking right now.

I am fighting being pretty down and struggling to keep it together lately. This is made infinitely easier by the people I work with and the fact that we are constantly working on events for our Summer Associates. These are always fun and we have an amazing class of summers this year so that makes it all the more enjoyable. Of course being with Stephen is the icing on the cake. Being able to come home to him at night is what keeps me sane and despite my internal battles and biting back the occasional storm of tears at my desk, I am able to smile and keep it light. This is merciful since allowing that much emotion to engulf you is pretty exhausting in every way.

So after all I have said in this post.. I hope that I will not bring up Florida again, but that I can just move onto the next phase gracefully and completely. However I can not promise this so.. just in case I slip up ... please keep some forgiveness and patience on hand.

Love you guys out there.. thanks for everything.

Deja Vu

...and again... nothing....nada.. zero.. zip... zilch...goose egg...

you get the picture. Don't really feel like talking about it.

xoxo

Deafening

Not one word.



"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience , and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light."

Colossians 1: 9-12
Much Love.
XOXO

Smile.. it's Tuesday!

Photos that make me smile..



Stormy weather at the peak of Cadillac Mountain in Acadia National Park. This time last year.



My birthday last year in the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens. Overlooking the Rose Garden.



Oliver The Small, welcoming me home with his trusty green newspaper.



OMG Jack White! There he is!!! It's him!!! It's really Jack White!!!! Aaaaaaaaah!!!
(Birthday present last year, Raconteurs concert with Stephen)



John and Mariel in Central Park. John smiling and the incredible woman who makes him smile.


Today was replete with support for every angle. I got emails from my Ellen, and my Mary that contained the perfect phrases to calm my heart and help me focus on the joys in the day.

Tonight, as I rode the D train home with Stephen, I got that feeling. That feeling I sometimes get when I am whizzing past the Brooklyn Bridge. That feeling that strikes my heart and I am suddenly in awe of my surroundings. Aware of the thousands of buildings and millions of people all around me, eating, sleeping, jogging, getting a promotion, getting fired, giving a presentation, taking a deposition, performing a surgery, giving birth, walking with a parent, sitting in class, rushing down stairs, riding a bus..riding the subway..riding the D train. The hum of the city, the awe that it can strike in your heart. All at once you wonder if it is man's creation that you are in awe of .. or God's many creations inhabiting this environment. It is easy to fall in love with this city. I can understand why Keller loves it so much. There's something about it that is all at once innocent and corrupt and each day finds you faced with another side of it's personality. Yesterday it may have thrown up on your shoes and given you a parking ticket..today it hands out free ice cream cones and JCrew coupons. It woos you to love it, though you know it will betray you. There is always the hope that some day, you will fall in step with it's rhythm. I have never loved people as much as I have since my inhabitation of this city. Maybe that's why I have such a crush on it.

Tomorrow my friends.. I will let you know as soon as I know. Much love to you all. Your prayers are felt.

Monday's secret wish and various things that made me cranky today..

Today I did something that I am a little shy to admit too but in the spirit of keeping myself distracted until Wednesday .. I am gonna let ya'll in.
Today, I decided to buy myself a present. I had seen this great summer perfume at Anthropologie a long while ago. It is called "Woman in Yellow". This is, in fact, what stopped me buying it the first go round. I will not be one of those chicks who buys perfume at stinkin' Anthropologie, and I certainly won't be one who wears a scent with such a gosh awful cheese ball name like that!!!! Forget it. Well... I couldn't. I don't have a summer scent and I have started to tire of my winter ones, too heavy for the heat. I digress. I went to Anthropologie at lunch today and (gulp) purchased "Woman in Yellow". Here's were the story gets a little more.. original. The girl at the counter was going on and on about how pretty the bottle was and such, and then she asked me if it was a present and would I like a box. And I said.. yes! I knew it was a present for myself, but I hate it when people say that to check out people. I don't know why. So I said it was a present and left it at that. She wrapped it up safe in the perfect little box and gave me that cute little bird tag with that colorful green string. When I got back to my desk.. I carefully tied up the little box in the string and set it in my bag to open later. So there you have it.. pretty silly I guess but it was just what I needed today. I opened it with Stephen just moments ago and modeled my new scent for him. He approves. Sometimes it's just nice to have something to be excited over.. that was my hope/wish/prayer for today and I am happy with the result.

In other news.. here are 3 things that were irritating today.

1) People staring at my sunburned shins.

I am very fair and every summer since I was a teenager I have struggled over laying out to burn/tan or just embracing my fair complexion. Last summer, I finally came to grips with my true self. I stayed fair and loved it. This year I wanted to do the same .. but I burned the heck out of my shins in Maine. Yes, I forgot to put on sunscreen. Duh. It looks like I am wearing rust colored shin guards now and there is nothing I can do short of applying self tanner for the rest of the summer (ick) or burning the rest of my legs (healthy?). Today was the first day I actually ventured to work in a short dress that showcased my shins. Damn it people!! Mind your own business!! How do you know I wasn't in some massive chemical accident and scarred for life when I was 14.. doomed to sport red shins for eternity?!?! huh??? Several times today I found myself biting my tongue to keep from saying in a loud obnoxious voice "Yeah! I got sunburned!! What? WHAT!!!" So I am a little sensitive today.. What? WHAT!!!! :)

2) Manhattan once overs

Dude. Keep your eyes to yourself will ya?? You too lady! Check out my outfit then my hair and my face.. then my shoes and my face again.. boobs.. face. Butt.. face. Seriously man, I can SEE YOU!!! A little respect. That goes for my homeys in the neighborhood. Honestly.. every time you call me "Mah-Mi" followed by "Sexy" and a string of Spanish that I have no hope of understanding I just want to drag you back to my apartment and commit illicit acts with you all afternoon (sarcasm alert)!! Wow.. what a turn-on to be heckled on the sidewalk every single stinkin' morning I walk to the subway. Frankly it doesn't threaten me.. I do not feel unsafe.. just embarrassed .. CONSTANTLY embarrassed for YOU, dude. A leering smile would be sufficient.

3) Isabelle's Mom

Listen lady, I know I don't have kids yet but I am gonna do some back-seat-parenting right now. I had my iPod up as high as I felt was safe and I could still hear your kid screaming about wanting her "Chocolate Milky NOW!!!!" If my kid ever tells me they want ANYTHING "NOW!!!" it won't be pretty. You were calm, you tried to reason with her, telling her the rest of us on the R train didn't want to hear her being so loud. You reminded her that she had an icy pop at her friend's house just then and didn't she like that better than chocolate milk? Then you gave her an ultimatum. If she didn't get it together by the time you counted until (wait for it) TEN.. she was going to lose her chocolate milk privileges. You reminded her you were giving her a "nice long count" twice before you started your slow verbal accent to the big 1_0. Again I say.. a little respect hon. Don't let your 3 year old treat you like that ! I respect your efforts but honestly.. stiffen up. Sometimes a kid needs a little discipline. Don't let your kid talk down to you lady.. she is the kid remember?

With that I will close for this evening. Here's hoping tomorrow I can come up with 3 things that make me smile about my environment. No word yet on Sarasota guys.. counting down until Wednesday. Please pray with us. We only want what He wants.

Can't think of a title for this one...

(Central Park.. model boats - last weekend's post Redeemer stroll)

I am not sure how to start this post, so I will start with this indecisive sentence. What a week. So many things have gone wrong, sour, or just badly this week that I am actually tired of hearing myself talk about them. So in keeping with the open nature of this blog, I will reveal my hardship - but in condensed form. Two sentences for each of the 2 worst events of the week:

1. I had another massive migraine for the 4th this year due to the weather. Felt better in the evening and went to the fireworks, only to have it return with a furry that found me running around SoHo desperate for a bathroom to be sick in at 11pm.

2. Stephen and I both came down with a version of Montezuma's Revenge, and didn't decide to see a doctor until the end of the week. With all the doctor's offices in our neighborhood closed on Friday (surprise!!!) we finally had to trek to Brighton Beach (near Coney Island) to see a Russian doctor and get some meds while I shriveled with guilt at not being at work while I was supposed to be filling in for Carol, who was on vacation.

There you have it. The worst 2 in 2.

Even with all of that.. I seem to have escaped any depression or even a lasting bad mood. Could it be I am numb with expectation ?? That must be it. Speaking of which that brings me too the..

Sarasota Update:
Houston, we have a problem. The job that Nathan was going to get with IT.. now has 2 applicants. So its Nathan vs. Some Other Guy. Yikes. This was originally a "sure thing". Now it's a "we would really like to hire you but we can let you know for sure on Wednesday" thing. Stephen and I are preparing our minds for the "worst". Which, in all honesty, really wouldn't be that bad. At least we would know something definite. Staying here would not be too painful. Just another bump in the road to my long dreamed of pregnancy. Yes, it really is all about me :) Anyway.. by Wednesday we should have an answer.. and I hope we do.. since I am supposed to fly out to FL to find us a place to live on Friday!!! I am doing this because, though we know of a wonderful home we could rent sight unseen, the rental market in Florida is headed toward rock bottom and I want to make sure I make the best choice for us.. for the $$. Anyway.. there's a good chance that I might just be taking a credit for my ticket now :) (sigh)

I will close with something I have been pondering since I started working at 30 Rock. Why is it, that tourists always wear light colored clothing? It seems to me that every time I turn around there is a mother and daughter/ father and son/ GF and BF posing for a picture in front of the building in light blue jeans and pale green "NYC" t-shirt. Is it that New Yorkers are always wearing darker colors? Or do the majority of Americans actually have "vacation wear" that they only break out when they go on trips? Anyone else notice this ? Maybe it's just me.

PS. Check out some of the videos in the top right corner.. just added this new feature. Some of these are rated PG and possibly R so .. view at your own risk. Thus ends my disclaimer.

Maine Jumble

What a trip!!!! It was relaxing, it was beautiful, it was refreshing and crisp. We had such an incredible time and Mary and Larry found such a beautiful house right on the water. I did not take any pictures of the house but believe me when I say it was.. perfection.

The pictures loaded in random order and its a lazy Sunday evening so I am going to leave them that way. There are so many pictures.. I just chose a few good ones to share..

The one above is all of us in Acadia National Park...



Stephen tells me this is Bass Harbor Lighthouse. While we were there a bald eagle flew right past us.. it was incredible. Sadly, I still can not load portrait oriented pictures so.. you will have to imagine it until I have time to put it on Photobucket and transfer it from there..anyway.. isn't it gorgeous??



Stephen at Otter Point in Acadia.. He loves to go as far as possible ;)



Stephen and David



Brothers.



We spent one entire day hiking around Isle au Haut. You have to take the mail boat there and it drops you off and comes back at the end of the day and you better be there on time or you are spending the night out there. This was probably my favorite day.. the weather was perfect the scenery was incredible.. it was such an awesome adventure.



Misty morning .. view from the house.



David, Larry and I whale watching in Acadia. No luck :(



More of Bass Lighthouse..



Another family shot at Acadia



On our hike around Isle au Haut, Stephen and David got a little warm and decided to take a swim in the frigid waters...in their boxers. It - was - freezing. They look like they are having fun right ? :)




Yet another beautiful view on Isle au Haut



..and another.. I could sit for hours and listen to the waves crashing against the rocks..



On every coast in the Isle there were loads of lobster buoys washed up on shore.. really colorful and a constant reminder of exactly where you were hiking. The boys played a little baseball.



More beautiful views







In the center of the picture above you can see the little rock cove where we stopped for lunch. This is where the boys went swimming.



Mary and her walking stick at our lunch destination.


The first day we went hiking on Blue Hill.. the lupines were in bloom (purple in the picture).



Here we are at the top.. resting and getting eaten alive by mosquitoes..they were hungry that week!



I couldn't resist putting up another cute picture of Oliver and Stephen :)



One of the best things about our house on the water was the tidal pools we got to examine at low tide. We found a tiny crab in this one along with lots of mussels and snails.



So there you have it. Our long awaited trip to Deer Isle in Maine. Can't wait to go back.

Maine Part One: Oliver's Story

Morning in Maine. The cool salty breeze tousled the fur on Oliver's muzzle as he stood watching for the lobster boats to return to shore. "I'm sure I heard a boat horn out there." he thought.


Oliver trotted to another of the large boulders in front of the house he and his people were staying at for the week. He stretched and he strained but he still could not see the boat he was sure he could hear. He went to speak to Sarah about it.



"Good morning, Sarah! Do you think Stephen would take me out on the kayak today? I can hear the boat out there but I can't see it from this vantage point." Oliver got the feeling Sarah didn't understand his request...she kept clicking at him with this silver object.



Stephen did understand what Oliver was asking, however, and soon the two were paddling along the shore in the red kayak..well Stephen paddled while Oliver scanned the horizon for the missing boat. Oliver made sure to stash a fetching stick in the bottom of the boat ...just in case.



They arrived at a small cove and Stephen turned the boat for shore. Oliver had not heard the horn of the boat in some time now and was beginning to think it had arrived safely at the Stonington harbor. He took a deep gulp of the fresh air and felt the warm sun on his back. Stephen was on the shore calling for him. This was it! He grabbed his stick and hurried over to play fetch on the sand. He had a feeling this was going to be his favorite day in Maine.

Thievin'

(Photo Explanation: This was taken at the coy pond in the Japanese garden at Brooklyn Botanic Gardens.. see that little guy in the middle? That's what I feel like.. gulping for metaphorical air)


So, we spent the last week in Maine on Deer Isle with Mary and Larry. It was wonderful. I will write all about it as soon as those wonderful feelings return to me.
When we got home this afternoon, after a 9 hour drive, we found the door to our apartment unlocked. Our landlord was having the tile in our bathroom fixed while we were away.. so we thought.. odd but .. maybe he forgot to lock up. Inside everything looked ok.... bathroom was actually repaired (SHOCKED) and he even had them fix the hole in our kitchen floor (NICE!).. I walk to the living room and that's when I saw it.. my jewelry box was not closed properly. Still optimistic I huffed and started looking through my jewelry boxes... sure enough.. the diamond earrings my mom passed down to me.. the ones my dad bought for her 15 years ago.... were gone. So was my iPod (Pea was his name...). DAMN IT!!!!! I KNEW I should have hidden all my valuable stuff when we left the house.. but I am always paranoid like that and I knew that our landlord would be there with the guys while they made repairs (yeah right..what a liar). So I left everything where it was... now I am out the iPod that Stephen surprised me with a few years back .. the first expensive gift he ever bought me.. and a pair of priceless earrings...
We filed a report with the police .. and called Paul the landlord.... he was shocked and is looking into it.. but did say that he would pay for whatever was lost. We just have to let him know how much it was worth.
I want to get over this and just be all.. "oh well! I guess that guy needed the $50 those earrings might bring him at a pawn shop more than I did!".. but I can't be since I am currently all.."What the heck was I thinking?!?! How could I have just trusted Paul like that?!! I ALWAYS lock my stuff up!!!!!! Now I have lost the first family heirloom entrusted to me.." You get the picture.
Anyway...Stephen is in Long Island City at an opening that he has some work in tonight. Oli and I are here cleaning the mess they thievin' fix-it guys left behind... trying to hold onto the salt air that I was breathing all week..the smell of the evergreens...trying.. trying..

Sarasota Update: Still no word. Nathan is doing is best to get his situation worked out so we can move on ours. Still feels like its a go.. but we are really praying that we hear something definite before the end of the month. Our buddy Shawn called to say he is taking on some adjunct classes at Ringling this coming year (WOO HOO!!!!) which is AWESOME! So.. anyway.. still waiting for our good news..

Car Update: My sweet Daddy found us a car !!! He bought it for $300 and is fixing it up and donating to our cause :) Its an 87 Honda Accord that happens to be a straight drive. Hmm.. yes I do in fact know how to drive a stick shift (evening lessons from the Oldham days).. not super good at it but I am ready and willing to become an expert for a free car!!!! So, car need has been solved for the moment - check!

It's raining outside...

..it's too bad you can't really capture that wonderfully refreshing feeling that rain brings with it. That nice spring rain smell before it arrives ( you know what I'm talking about ) and the cool air that blows in your open windows after the bottom finally falls out of that black cloud. I think its the most fun when it rains at night or in the late afternoon, when you are sleepy and ready for a nap. Sunday afternoon rain. Perfection.

I am feeling very internal tonight. Glad that Stephen is off with Shawn tasting bourbons at Bar American. Shawn has been here since Friday and as always his presence is so relaxing. Having he or Nathan around is always rejuvenating for me. They sit and talk art with Stephen and they know him and understand the way he thinks as well as I do. So many people don't really understand just what is going on in that head of his, and I hate that feeling that people just dismiss his comments as being "artistic minded". When Shawn or Nathan arrive I feel completely relaxed to just be myself without feeling like I need to protect Stephen from people misunderstanding his ideas or jokes. I am making it sound like Stephen is a total social freak but that's not what I mean. People like him.. love him even. He has warmed many hearts and seems to become an instant favorite with any women he has even worked with. Still... there is something different about the relationship that Stephen, Nathan, Shawn and myself have. Maybe it's because we lived in the same building during the Montclair years.... being snowed in and finishing off a bottle of Jim Beam by 7:30 pm probably didn't hurt either.. that was just me and Shawn though.. Stephen just laughed at our intoxicated antics and Nathan feigned shock at my brazen story telling and paced the living room trying to keep his sanity while being snowed in with us and away from his studio. We all walked to the store for food the next morning and Shawn cooked for everybody. They are like brothers to me I guess. That sounds so mundane.. everybody has some non-family member who is like a "____" to them but seriously.. these guys mean so much. They have taken care of me when Stephen was away on many occasions.
Once, when Stephen was out of town, I borrowed a friends car (Abigail's) to drive home in the snow. In Jersey we lived on a huge hill and when I managed to get the car on the final stretch to a safe parking spot.. it got lodged on a pile of snow. I tried everything to get it out. I was blocking the road. Hmmm.. what to do. Call Shawn. Voice mail. Drat. Call Nathan. Nathan is of course still in his studio (it was late) He is leaving now and he will be right over. Then Shawn calls and to say that he saw that I had called and was everything Ok?? In the end they both showed up to help me un-stick the car then I even think one of them re-parked it for me, properly. Most recently, Nathan went to check out the house we will be renting in Florida (if all goes according to plan) and meet the owners. He called as soon as he left to report his findings, which were, thankfully, all favorable.
Of course I always get a fair dose of teasing when I have to call on them for help.. but it's usually well deserved.

It's been nice being able to host their NY visits the last few months. This will be Shawn's last visit to see us before we move back to FL. He is presently in Orlando so we will be closer to both of them now that we are moving back to the area. As with every visit it's been an eventful one. Bar hopping in our neighborhood being one of the highlights. This ended with a 3 hour discussion session with the most amazing bar tender in all of Brooklyn - possibly the world. Peter Napolitano at Melody Lanes, a vintage bowling alley up the street. And no, in this case I do not mean vintage as in old.. vintage as in original. This guys is a character that I wish I had the courage to photograph. He wears a tux (sans coat) with red bow tie and cumber bun and has a head of white hair a fantastic glasses. Google him.. go ahead.. you know you want too!! This one is pretty interesting..so is this one ...see.. he is a legend.
Another highlight of ShawnZ's visit was seeing Knocked Up (SO good) and then going out to dinner at Noodle Pudding in Brooklyn Heights and walking "the promenade" playing a version of M.B.K. (so evil but so stinkin' fun). I also love the way I feel like I can "girl talk" with him and he doesn't seem to mind. He is a great shopping buddy too. I am going to really miss having him around when he flies out tomorrow. Oh well.. we'll see him again soon.



Earlier in the week we had a pretty bad scare with a really sick puppy! Oliver got deathly ill really late on Wednesday night and we had to wake up our sweetest-people-on-the-planet neighbors, Matt and Lonna, to rush him to the Emergency Vet. They had to keep him over night and all day the next day with IVs in his little puppy arms (which are now shaved). Lonna took us back to pick him up on on Thursday evening and he is now fully recovered but it was the most scared I have been since we have been dog parents. We really thought we were going to lose him. Stephen cried, bless his heart. The vet has no idea what it was (not bad/poison dog food) but it seems to have gone away so for that we are thankful. I am sparing you the gory details of his symptoms but please assume that it was horrific and terrifying and it left him severely dehydrated. So glad he is better.

We are going headed out for Maine on Friday night (or Saturday morning). Really can't wait to get there and do absolutely nothing but sleep, eat, visit, read, and hike. It's gonna be great. I promise to take loads of pictures. Much love..

Ebay and Fig Newtons

Grrrrr!!!! This just in.. Nathan's job finally officially posted so he can now officially go through the interview process.. even though he already has the job. That brings us one step closer to the confirmation of this unofficial position. I wish I was better at keeping secrets.. then the rest of you guys would not have to watch this agonizing process... alas I am not a good secret keeper when it comes to my own life drama.. it leaks into all aspects and thus would have come out anyway. No worries.. it will happen. It just takes patience and time to grow that patience into full maturity. Sarasota isn't going anywhere.

So our Memorial Day Weekend was just fab. We spent most of it with Judy, Don, Riley, Taylor, Tagg, Elsie, MaryAnn, Jay and Lisa (wshoo!) Sorry if I misspelled anyones name there guys. YO! It was family weekend in a massive way!!! Totally fun totally crazy as only a weekend of tourism in New York can be. By Saturday evening I saw that all too familiar look of zoned out indifference in the eyes of the younglings. No matter.. we had a sweet time hanging out with everyone. We even got to bring Elsie back to our place for lunch, napping, and walk through Park Slope and finally dinner at Rose Water (a cute restaurant I have been wanting to check out). Its always interesting to me the way New York can kill you or make you feel like you just stepped out of a spa treatment, depending on the way you approach it. It takes a lot of practice (in my book) to come out the other end feeling relaxed. I don't know how they felt when they actually got on the plane on Saturday but I would say the Wilber Family did a pretty good job of keeping it low key and going with the flow. Well done. I hope you guys had as much fun as well did.

See below for my latest Ebay purchase. It is a Jadite Chenille blanket/bedspread from the 50s or whatever. It is perfect and I can't wait to air it out and use it on the bed. I love these spreads in the summer time and frankly I could become addicted to collecting them. I feel that contemporary design could learn a lot (the good designers already do) from the 20-60s era. That's not true.. I don't want them to learn from it.. they knock it off in Targets everywhere.. I just want to recreate those 40 years in my own home. I love everything from the Bakelite to the the wall clocks. Whatever.. I like vintage.. who doesn't ? Right? Rephrase.. who reading this blog doesn't ? Right. That's what I thought. If you guys ever want to get me the perfect birthday present.. just Ebay me some Chenille pillows or a milk glass sugar creamer or a really retro salt and pepper set. Spend $4 and make me the happiest girl in town. Just puttin' it out there.




Anyway all this waiting is making me anxious of course. I just want to nail down our next living spot.. but can't. So I keep talking to people who have homes available (one awesome lady in particular) hoping that when they are ready to have us we will be ready to move in. It's a little nerve wracking. When I get nervous I shop. Bad habit. So Ebay. Better than going downstairs at work to browse JCrew.. at least with Ebay it is cheap and there is a huge chance that I will lose.. sad for me but happy for Stephen who is trying to curtail my nervous habits. Today I took on another one.. a bad one actually. I ate an entire sleeve of Fig Newtons at my desk. The whole thing.. gone. I bought it today to be snack for the rest of the week. Yeah, no. Just today. Yikes.
Salad for dinner.

I also have a summer cold. Lovely. I have never had allergies but whether these are them or in fact the summer cold I have self diagnosed.. its no fun. I had to show my ID and get some Advil Cold and Sinus at Duane Reade today. Welcome to the 21st century. Thanks to the MethHeads of the world we can't even grab a quick decongestant without filling out a form and swearing to our age. "Yes ma'am, I am in fact 28 years old and if you sell me this little red box I promise I will only make enough Meth for my personal use." Bitter ? Me ? I really tried not to be.. but then the woman took forever to fill out the form and the guy behind me kept inching up to see what I was doing until he was literally staring over my shoulder, so close I could feel his breath on my neck. Sick. I should have sneezed on him. I kept giving him dirty looks.. but he didn't seem to care. Too preoccupied by my all too interesting purchase of St. Ives body wash and the controlled substance formerly known as Advil Cold and Sinus.

So all in all.. nothing new. We are still waiting to hear. The one good thing in the waiting so far.. we are getting more and more excited about the move.. loving Brooklyn as much as ever but starting to get antsy to start a family.. the stress of that long discussed topic melting into a sweet anticipation. Much love ya'll.

for the love of gravity..

Ok. So I guess I have some explaining to do. I have been absent for the usual reasons, cloudy minded days, nights, breaths and everything in between. Uncontrollable crying for such husbandly offenses as asking where the duck tape was last seen, posing unanswerable student loan consolidation questions or offers to book me an appointment for a massage. What an evil man I live with. I have been living my life aboard the Cyclone since the day before we flew to Palm Harbor for Papa's Memorial Service. What could have lashed me to this roller coaster of emotions? Grief? Maybe. Fatigue ? More than likely..but there is yet another catalyst. We are leaving Brooklyn.
Yes, I know.. we just got here. Yes, I know... we do love it here. No, I am not really ready to leave. What's that? More grown up decision making among the Shinglers of Greenwood Heights? Indeed.
Short Version:
Literally the night that we are packing to leave the next morning to head to Florida for the service, Stephen gets a call from our pal N. Skiles informing us that he has been offered a better job at Ringling (Stephen's Undergraduate School where Nathan is currently working Stephen's dream job.. we were very happy for him when he got it)... he has called to say that he has recommended Stephen as his successor and Mark (Fine Arts Department Head and Stephen's former sculpture teacher) is enthusiastic and would love it if Stephen could drive over while we are down there (?!?!!!!??!) Say again ? Stephen work for Ringling? In... Sarasota Florida ??? Too good to be true. Maybe not. Stephen goes out for a beer with Mark and boys - "If you want it.. you are the man for the job." Done. Family, ecstatic at our pending return to the area. Me, ecstatic at the chance to start a family with Stephen as the man in charge and bread winning father. Cut to the present: Collegiate bureaucratic red tape. 99.999% sure that Stephen has the job but still having to wait to negotiate a living wage ... waiting and waiting and waiting.
So there you have it.... our latest drama. My latest drama. Stephen floats along rolling with punches while I feel as though the rug I was standing on was yanked out from under me by an angry primate. Suddenly nothing is certain. Will we go? Stay? If go, where will we live ? We need a car now... what should we get? What can we afford? When? How? What kind of job will I have to take this time? How many interviews will I go on.. ? When can we start trying for a baby? Externally I say "One day at a time! There's nothing I can do about it so I just try not to think about it." Internally my mind works itself into a frenzy - I watch back to back movies and the ENTIRE season of Heros in one sitting. Gotta keep that voice in my head quiet long enough to get some sleep.
Try to sleep - no good. My mind stays awake while my body drifts to sleep - I am consciously aware that I can not move... I am in the dark and I can not breath at will .. my ears are ringing.. I think " I am dying and I need to tell Stephen that I am dying " I can't move to wake myself up. I worry that no one will know what happened to me. My house is too dirty to die. I desperately will myself to move and I wake up with a jolt and a cry. This happened 3 more times that night. Good LORD Sarah!!!!! Take it easy why doncha ?!?!? Apparently my subconscious does not know what to do when it doesn't have at least one aspect of the present existence nailed down. It goes haywire.
I am haywire. I can't even tell you what the job entails because I can't get into that much detail because there is still that .0000001% chance that this is all a cruel cosmic joke and we are destined to remain here in our beloved Brooklyn abode for another year as previously planned. That would be ok. I am not even ready to talk about how much I will miss my life here. For that matter, I am not ready to talk about how excited I am at the prospect of a new life in Sarasota. At this moment, all I can do is let you guys know that I am up here at the top of the Cyclone, ready to rush down and back up again at any moment. Clinging to my flimsy seatbelt and trying to keep it together. Waiting for that finalizing phone call to bring me back to earth so that I can begin to celebrate our choice to take the family direction.. and leave our solo New York life behind. Your prayers are desperately desired by this pathetic brunette... who was never meant to be an astronaut.

Bloodsucker

I can't write much this morning but I had an urge just let everyone know that I am still here and have not dropped off the face of the planet..yet. I am TIRED. We have been going and going and doing and such for weeks and its catching up with me. The trip to Bill's service in Florida was inspiring. I have lots to tell and pictures to show from the prior weeks but that will have to wait until Saturday.. TGIF!!!!!! Yaaaaaaaahoooooooooooooo!!!!
For now.. please accept the above offering. The Malarial Mosquito. This is the exhibit at the Natural History Museum that I have to go and stare at each time we are there. It is really old. A model that someone built using wood and various plastics of the day. I think its fascinating and mesmerizing in its detail. Not to mention the "EEEW!!! It's a giant bloodsucking mosquito!!!" factor. Sweet.

In Loving Memory

William Oliver May was taken to be with the Lord yesterday. He was Stephen's Papa, and so much more. He was my grandfather too. I grew up never knowing my biological grandfathers. When I was a little girl I wanted a grandfather so much, that one of the elders in our church kindly offered to be my surrogate grandfather and even said I could call him grandfather. Kind as his offer was, it just wasn't the same. Then, there was Bill.

I first met Bill as Stephen's girlfriend, while visiting him in Sarasota. He gave me a big hug and a kiss. I was instantly attached. Later, as Stephen and I struggled through our first year of marriage, he and Elsie opened their home to us on the weekends and we found ourselves there relaxing around the pool, sleeping in, visiting the Greek district and the Sponge Docks. On each of this visits I was always greeted with the same outpouring of love. "Well Helloooooo!!!" followed by that lovely whiskery kiss and a hug. Sometimes he would say "There she is!!" Bill and Elsie never made me feel like a visitor or an in-law. Secretly, I came to think of Bill as my Papa too, that longing my heart had felt for so many years was fully satisfied in those precious times spent with him. I even loved waking up in the wee hours to the sound of Bill snoring away in his chair downstairs. I loved him so much that I am not sure that I am fully able to describe how much I will miss him.

I am thankful that our Lord is a merciful, faithful, and loving God. I am thankful for Bill's peaceful passing and the knowledge that this sweet man is resting with his Heavenly Father. I am thankful for having known him and eternally thankful for the love he shared with me. I cherish every memory of my secret Papa.

Willing

My boss just got back from a trip to Maine - her first. I spent the day thinking about our two trips to Maine thus far and our upcoming WEEK IN MAINE in June with the Mary and Larry show. Its going to be so refreshing. I just used that word because I started to write "awesome "and, I use that word too often. What I should have said is .. magical.. transcendent ..? I can't find my word. Crisp. Ah, there it is. Maine to me is crisp in the most wonderful of ways. I have loads of pictures that I love from Maine but the one above makes me laugh. It's Stephen scrambling up the rocks after getting totally drenched by a huge wave :)



This is from the trip to Montauk. I am mildly obsessed with this image. I am not sure why. I think its the composition of it. It is perfectly balanced in my eye. That is comforting to me. Plus only I know just how big this naked fish was - huge. The wave is just about to take it away but is still in its ascent onto the sand so its fresh and bubbly. I know that I am a little out there but seriously - its just one of those perfect pictures to me.



This one is from Montauk too and makes me blush a little. I had the biggest crush on him that day. Huge crush. I love those days when you are crushing on your spouse. I think it's important to remember what that feels like, and to embrace it - and HIM - when you feel it.

Last but not least, I read an interesting verse today and it really stayed with me all day today.

Mark 1: 40-41 says "A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, "If you are willing, you can make me clean." Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing" he said. "Be clean."

It was the word "willing" that stood out at me. The man did not say "will you please heal me?". He asked Jesus if He was willing to heal him, and He was, and answered to that effect. I am still processing this. I think that I carry the verse "Ask and you shall receive" around in my head as a back up plan. I know that if I will only ask, He is faithful. That man with leprosy wanted to confirm with Jesus that He was willing to do this healing. In essence, that it was His will to heal the man. The Lord's affirmative answer is really powerful to me. This man was desperate to be healed at any cost of that most terrible disease but he didn't demand or beg he sort of asked Jesus with this incredible amount of faith implicit in his request. He knew he would be healed if Jesus commanded it, but he did not want to presume that it was His will. Thankfully it was. I am no Bible scholar at all but that simple phrase kept flowing through my mind all day "If you are willing.. I am willing." It gave me me all sorts of joy that I don't normally carry around with me. So much so that I was giggling and laughing at anything and everything :) It was kinda fun. Especially good timing too since today we paid our Federal Taxes to the tune of $4300 and on Monday the states will take another $1700 from our miraculous bank account. Not one ounce of panic in this "Type A" heart of mine. Stephen and I are strangely excited to be wiped clean and start fresh. I don't really know why but I am going with it ! Some people cut their hair when they enter a new phase in life.. some people buy new vehicles or clothes or get a tattoo.... In this house we pay our taxes :) I dunno man.. "If you are willing.. I am willing." it feels pretty good.