Monday, November 12, 2007

What is wrong with me..?

This morning I was walking through the Mobil Station parking lot at the end of my street on my way to the train when I saw a dollar bill in the middle of the pavement. It was not near any cars or people, just lying there all alone..folded in thirds. I bent down to pick it up and immediately started looking around for the owner. One of the gas station employees was walking toward the building so I popped one of my ear-buds out and hurried in his direction with the dollar. "I just found this in the parking lot." I announced, handing him the crumpled bill. I didn't even wait for a reply but turned on my heel and jammed my bud back into my ear. I was already late as it was. I did, however, linger just long enough to see/hear the Mobil employee snicker at me with a rather disgusted look on his face. Why did he laugh at me and why did he look annoyed? Maybe he thought I was a goody-two-shoes ..whatever that means. I personally have no idea what possessed me to to turn in a one dollar bill. All I know is that I suddenly felt naked and exposed there in the bright morning sun in the middle of the parking lot. I felt like everyone in the vicinity could see me and see that I was picking up some money from the ground, and in that moment I couldn't bare to be the one who took something that didn't belong to them. So I passed the buck, and walked away feeling morally clean and sparkling fresh. Crazy as it is, I think I would have thought about that dollar all day if I had pocketed it myself. None of this is to say that I think picking up abandoned money on the ground is a bad thing.. I mean within reason of course. I guess I just chose to go with my gut in a split second and not argue with myself. Well.. except until now. Now I wonder why I thought I was so high and mighty. Sort of feel like a pharisee or something. Like I wanted everyone to see my good deed of turning in one dollar to the parking lot owner's employee. But the truth is, it wasn't like that. In that moment I was sure that I could not put it in my wallet, and I still feel like I made the right decision. I must be losing my mind. It was one dollar. One..dollar. I must be losing it for sure.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's interesting though to find your comments about anonymity of intent published on the world wide web.

Ellen said...

This is an official request for Thanksgiving pictures and information. You cannot ignore it, or agents of the federal govt. will show up on your doorstep. I have connections. Get on it.