Friday, December 09, 2011
Leave Frankie alone in a room these days and you may not be able to find her when you get back.
She is quite proud of her ability to get into tight spaces. In this instance I actually couldn't find the child when I popped in from the kitchen to check on her. After looking around a few corners I called her name and she gurgled a response and popped her head out from under the chair where she was just chillin'. Life of the party this one. She makes my heart smile and smile and smile.
And while we are on the subject of smiling. I am doing a lot of that myself lately. I am sure you can tell from my recent blizzard of posts that something has changed. Well, I have been battling a rather severe period of depression mixed with a double dose of anxiety for about 2 months. Longer than that if I am truly honest but it takes me forever to realize I need some help. Forever. I have gotten the help I need. Drugs. Good drugs. Not lots of drugs but just the right amount for me it seems. The drugs I was on before didn't seem to be cutting it. I started this new prescription on Monday and it has been the best week in recent memory. I can think clearly. I can read and not having to go back and re-read and re-read and re-read before giving up in frustration. I feel good for the first time since .. well since I got pregnant with Frankie. Really really good. I feel like I am running my life again. I know that exercise and diet and all sorts of things can "cure" depression. I want to do those things, and I will. But right now, at this stage in my life, I am not willing to wait for me to get it together while I watch my family suffer. Watch my little girls grow colder towards me and distant. Yes, even three year olds can be distant. So, once more I have sacrificed my purist ideals and am on the Rx bandwagon. There is a part of me that feels like I should be embarrassed about being on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs. An obnoxious voice that says I am weak and can't handle everyday things, and that is why I have to take medication. But then I look at what I have done with my girls this week, I feel the wave of patient tenderness that comes over me when they are frustrated. I see them mirror my calm and peaceful manner and I know - this is the right thing to do. Medication is not magic. It doesn't mean that you suddenly become a perfect wife/mother/homemaker. For me it brings out my best qualities and helps to quiet the running voices in my head. The nagging "to do" lists that swirl so constantly in my brain that I am prevented from being able to accomplish a single thing. It helps me be a better me. I am not weak. It takes real strength to ask for help. It just feels so good, to feel good again.
Thursday, December 08, 2011
They are multicolored and pink. The girls chose them on a special trip to Target with Daddy, after seeing other homes with lights and asking for some for our house. Every night as I walk upstairs to go to bed, I can't help pausing on the steps, smiling at the soft pink glow coming through the transom.
When I was little, my Nanny was the best cook in my world. Everything tasted better at her house. Green beans, corn, sweet pickles, biscuits, cakes and cookies. Everything was made from scratch and canned in glass Ball jars on shelves in the pump house. Of course the baked good weren't canned but they sure were made from scratch. I fancied myself a connoisseur of Nanny's cookies, until once during the holiday season when she had one in her cookie jar that I had never tasted before. It was a fruit cake cookie. I had one then and never saw them again. I never stopped thinking about those cookies because I just couldn't imagine why she would have them around all the time. Anyway, Aunt Margie was kind enough to send me a sampling of Nanny's Christmas cookie recipes and today I made my first batch of Fruit Cake Cookies. Cutting all that candied fruit is a labor of love let me tell you. That stuff is very gooey. I have wanted to make Christmas Cookies as a family tradition ever since the big girls were born and every year I have failed to do so. This year I decided that I would make one kind and if I only made that one batch it would be a good start and I would be ok with that. Mission accomplished.
Can I just say that when I saw those abandoned kitchen chairs on the side of the road.. this is what I envisioned ? Giddy does not describe my mood from behind the camera.
It was a very good afternoon.
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
Homemade pumpkin leek soup with pumpernickel raisin walnut bread. This was the first plate and bowl I grabbed. This was not staged. When I looked down at what I was carrying to the table I had to stop and take a picture of just how beautiful my life can be in the most mundane moments.
Tuesday, December 06, 2011
Here it is!!! Our fresh newly-covered-in-vinyl kitchen chair. Took about an hour to do with a staple gun and some scissors and I think it looks fantastic.
After a week of me having to set the timer on the microwave to settle fights over the red chair, it's nice to see yellow getting some love.
In other news, please check Jess's Blog to learn about the unexpected surgery that Adam is having today. Please pray for his little eyes.
Monday, December 05, 2011
What do you think? I found these last week on the side of the road.. covered in rust, spider webs and mildew.. sitting in the rain. Since I have coveted a vintage kitchen chair like this for years I jumped out and threw them into the car, deciding to take them home for evaluation. Several hours of scrubbing with Brillo pads and warm soapy water and .. voila!
How d'ya like m'new look?
Saturday, December 03, 2011
Better late than never. We had a fantastic Thanksgiving. My precious cousin and her family have moved back to NC (YAY!!!!) and we all got to spend Thanksgiving (or the day after actually but who is keeping track?) together for the first time since ... I am not really sure actually. A long time. Maddie was so sweet with the girls and they absolutely adored getting to play with her. Here they all are sitting on the porch of the playhouse that Christa and I spent countless hours playing in when we were kids.
Then Uncle Gavin donned his jeans and barn boots and we got to go ride the horses. Oh.My.Goodness. Can you believe that Christa and I also used to ride Strawberry around the neighborhood together? Craziness. Ada was having the time of her life.
Double trouble on Mandy.
Margot was not ready to get off.. ever.
After all that horsey fun we all drove over to my parents newly purchased property on the Mitchell River. Papa had worked so hard to clear the land so that we could enjoy a little campfire. He was ready with a hayride to the river when everyone arrived. I am pretty sure this was the best day of the girls entire lives thus far.
Sam is a natural born cowboy.
The girls got to try riding Uncle John's old toy tractor.
So there you have it. Thanksgiving 2011 from Papa's iPhone ... since the camera that we brought had a dead battery. So fun.. the older they get the more fun it is. Can't wait until next year.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Ok so I am papering my world and everyone in it with prayer requests for Baby Adam and his sweet parents. If you are seeing this now you probably already saw my link on Facebook and might have even gotten an email about it if you are in my address book. Please visit their website here for more information and to follow their progress as they wait for the Lord to grant these much needed surgeries to Adam.
I had the privilege to visit them last Friday when Frankie and I were in Chapel Hill for her check-up and again on Saturday evening. Saturday I got to hold Adam and what a cuddle bundle he is! He was being so patient waiting for food while the hospital searched for his particular formula that they seemed to be out of. I remember what it was like for Frankie to have to wait for food when she was in the hospital and it is no easy task for a little one. He wiggled and fussed just a bit while I was holding him but soon settled down and fell asleep in my arms. Heaven. His little eyes were doing that REM thing that babies that age do when they sleep. Just like Frankie. His breathing felt and sounded like Frankie when she was asleep in my arms. Just precious. A precious baby trapped in an imperfect body.
This family needs prayers for peace and patience and preservation. Peace for Adam as he gets used to new environments, sights and sounds. Peace for his parents as they wait, and wait, and wait. Patience for Adam as his parents learn how to be parents for the first time. Patience for Jess and Raja as they learn how to be parents for the first time. Preservation of Adam's sight. Preservation of Jess and Raja as they learn to navigate Chapel Hill, this new season of marriage and parenthood, new season of hospitals, doctors and fund raising.
Please join me in loving on and praying for this sweet family.. and spread the word!