Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Nonspecific...



This morning I decided to forgo my shower for day number two and take it easy so that I could recover from this nasty sore throat I have had. Still, I was feeling a little crafty so I decided to make the girls some muffin tin crayons. They are pretty tired of the ones they have, ready for a change of pace. Worked like a charm. While we were waiting for them to cool, I added a little food coloring to some plain yogurt and let them "finger paint" with it. Things were going great until I came around the corner and caught them painting the wall a lovely shade of purple. No worries! It had just happened and a wet cloth took it right off. Sigh of relief. They weren't even concerned that I erased their fresco. Most of the rest of the morning was spent hanging out in their travel cribs. Props to Shing Daddy who busted these out over the weekend. They read books in there, make forts, had some sort of battle with foam counting cubes.. ate snack.. played mommy and baby.. it went on and on.. I was pleasantly amazed at how a little time with an art project in the morning (or two) and some travel cribs could make two little girls so happy and contented. I didn't even bother to get them dressed.. they took their jammies off to paint and they were so cute running around in their little princess panties.. so soft and cuddly.. we just had a naked day.

I am feeling much better this evening.. throat is better.. just really really tired. Starting to get a little panicky about this baby kicking around in my tummy. Not panicky so much as just feeling unprepared. I just made myself go on BabiesRUs and start a registry. There are a few things we need for this little one.. like a crib.. since the girls cribs converted to the toddler beds they are currently sleeping in. There are others as well, but for the most part we have all the gear to bring her home in comfort. Need to get new car seats for the big girls so everyone will fit in the backseat of our little car. It's gonna be a tight squeeze but there is a brand .. Sunshine Kids I think.. that is narrow enough to work. I just.. I don't get it. It is really strange how I can't seem to slow down long enough to get serious about this little girl. She is coming! She is coming whether I am ready or not! I am excited she is coming. So excited. For some reason I just can't get my mind to really accept this fact though. Honestly, I keep thinking in the back of my mind.. if I get the crib.. we will lose her. If I register for the swing.. we will lose her. If I go ahead and start making concrete moves towards her arrival.. I will lose her. This is a hard way to exist. These thoughts are so far back in my mind that I can't even battle them.. they just are. They simply exist there, a haunting shadow of doubt. I feel foolish to doubt.. and foolish to be confident. Just.. it's kinda hard.

3 comments:

Christa said...

Oh sweet cousin. I completely fully understand how you feel. With Jackson (and after sweet angel baby) I had a constant nag in the back of my head....what if...how would I tell Maddie and Sam....what if....how would I tell my parents, again....what if. I put on a brave front, but back in the dark places of my heart....I knew what could happen. I just lived it. I can't tell you how many times I prayed and trusted. How many times I repeated, "God's grace is enough" over and over. And while yes, God's grace is enough. And yes, God held me through the pain and the hurt the first time round....I didn't want to ever feel that pain again. It wasn't until they put Jackson on my chest that I fully knew he would be okay. I am praying that God's light shine on those dark places deep inside you and that you rest (as much as humanly possible....for we are only human) in peace till you meet that sweet baby girl!

Love you!

4 Little Men and Girly Twins said...

the crayon picture! {grin}

praying for you, and your baby girl!

britt

SMS said...

Thank you for your prayers and support sweet cousin :) Love you so much.

Hi Britt!!! :) Yes.. I totally forgot to mention that I saw that lovely picture on your blog and it was definitely my inspiration :) Thank you for being so inspiring!!! :)