Day Two

Margot. She is a tough nut to crack.

I am upstairs typing while Stephen and the girls play downstairs. I can hear them giggling at each other as they give hugs to one another. Sometimes their laughs sound so alike. Sometimes their behavior seems so alike, but the moment I relax they remind me just how different they are.

Take this afternoon, for example. Stephen asked Ada to stop doing something (whatever it was escapes at the moment). In typical fashion Ada she obeyed, then went back for more. She got into trouble. She screamed in anger and cried for few moments. Then snuffled a bit more, got snuggle from her Daddy to assure her everything was ok again, and went about doing things she knew she was allowed to do. Enter Margot Dagny. Stephen reprimanded Margot for something. She cuts her eyes at him, and proceeds to do several other "no no"s in a row. Stephen warns her for each ...infraction. She stands there looking at him, then marches off across the living room, stops in the foyer and stands in the shadows for a moment. Seeming to have collected herself, she returned to the coffee table (scene of the showdown) with her milk cup and stood there staring at Stephen again. Then she threw her cup in his direction. We reminded her that was "Not nice!" and continued to act as normal as we could. She marched around the room, swinging her little fists, a few more times and then tested Stephen for one last time by grabbing the floor lamp and pulling it to make it sway. He asked her to stop and she obeyed the first time, walking back to the coffee table and starting to draw on her Doodle Pro and babble to herself as if nothing had happened at all. This was hard for me to watch for some reason and left me feeling concerned for my relationship with little M. I never need wonder if Ada needs her "Mama". She clings to me when she is in need of me. Watching Margot process everything with very little evidence of her feelings on the matter.. I couldn't help but wonder if she was internalizing it all. Is it a good thing that she is learning to handle her emotions and not just melt away the way her sister does? It was pretty obvious that she was processing something.. it did not just go over her head. Just for good measure, I even tried to give her a hug and she wouldn't let me. She seems so in her own world sometimes, more so than Ada on most days. Then at bedtime, she got in my lap and hugged me so tight that I could feel her little finger nails gripping my sweater. She put her head on my shoulder and held me tight.. so I hugged her tight.. in gratitude really. Feeling needed... still wondering what had gone on in that little mind tonight.. but feeling like her Mama.