Sunday, May 20, 2012

One and 600

Frankie is almost one year old. You heard right. On Wednesday she will have her first birthday. Tonight this knowledge has me looking back at the very first pictures on our camera. With all the drama that surrounded her arrival this was the first time Mom and Dad got to hold her, not wanting to disturb her in the PICU. This picture doesn't show it but in the others my dad has a concerned look on his face, that casts a slight shadow on the joy of the occasion. I am glad that look is there because I had almost forgotten that in this moment, as she looks like she is peacefully resting in Nana's arms, she is struggling. She was struggling. Her stridor was so bad that you could hear it from any room in the house. My sweet father was so concerned about his newest granddaughter that he could hardly bear it as we tried to reassure him that she would be alright. That everything was fine.. which was what we had been told by the doctors when they sent us home. After all, she was eating well and on room air. Her "O Sats" were good. Still Dad knew something wasn't right. And I guess we did too.. a brand new baby who sleeps all the way through the night on the first night home from the hospital.. that is not right. Anyway we all know that in the end she got the care she needed and now she is literally the happiest little baby girl on the planet. I just don't want to forget some of those little things about when she first got here. Like how her Papa's heart just couldn't settle when it came to her. Or how the Lord protected her in those two weeks before she was admitted to Wake Med. How she fought to breathe and eat and grow. How strong she was, and is. The amount of strength it took for that child to breathe and eat at the same time before the surgery... the fact that we didn't see true signs of trouble for the first week home is truly remarkable. She fought so hard and just wore herself out.. and thank goodness she did wear herself out so that we could know to get her the help she needed. But still.. it's the fight that really sticks with me. She was determined then and she is determined now and I pray that she keeps that determination .. and yes I know what that means in the next years for me as her mother.. but I can handle it.

Incidentally, this is my 600th post. So.. that is kind of cool. 

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