Scanning through some old pictures tonight I found these cheesy shots I took of myself in our apartment in Jersey while experimenting with my new camera. Look at that.. I had forgotten what my old stomach looked like. Hope to be returning to that body at some point.
Stephen and I decided to go on a date tonight. We have recently realized that our days are numbered in this area and that we better take advantage of the time we have while we still have it. We went to a local burger place and then for a cupcake downtown and then to a movie. The burgers were great. The cupcake earned a C - and the movie was horrible. We went to see M. Night's new movie "The Happening"..... yawn. We even read the New York Times review before we decided to go see it and I have to say I feel mislead. Granted the reviewer did not give the best recommendation, but he/she didn't properly warn that this film would certainly cause drowsiness. Cheesy. Boring... we are Mark Wahlberg fans but even he allowed himself to be poorly directed in this one. We should have gone to see the "Sex and the City" movie...
I am not really looking forward to another date night at the moment. Being out and about in this town was depressing to me. I, of course, love being with Stephen but I felt like we were out in some sort of ghost town. This is a metropolis in the state of North Carolina. This is the capitol city. Yet when we entered the cupcake shop, though 2 of the 3 tables in there were occupied, it was silent. Everyone could hear us order our Key Lime Cupcake and small cup of coffee to go. Where is everyone ? Could it be that the town was deserted for Father's Day weekend ? Am I being unfair ? There were people around.. walking on the sidewalks.. in the theater.. the theater was so clean.. and quiet despite being 2/3rds full. Sometimes I feel like I am losing my sanity being at home all day alone (yes yes I know I know I know.. once the twins get here blah blah blah.. I will be busier than I have ever been yadda yadda yadda). I think to myself, "I am just going nuts here because it's so quiet in the house.. but when Stephen gets home maybe we will run some errands or go shopping or something and then it will feel more normal" . Then we go out.. and it's just about as quiet out there as it is in here. I am coping better each day but tonight.. I feel like I am about to crawl out of my skin. I need to get lost in a crowd.. to feel like I am not the only one out on the road at 11pm... I need to feel like there are others out there like me.. not these "urban" zombies wandering around the outdoor mall waiting for the movie to start. I haven't heard someone speaking a foreign language in about a week, there are no passionate conversations to overhear while walking on the sidewalk. No intense political discussions to eavesdrop on in the restaurant. What is my problem... why can't I be happy with the peace and quiet of this place ? Struggling for contentment.. and bored out of my mind. Living in a beautiful town with loads of culture and exciting happenings... feel like I am living in the woods somewhere. Feel like an ungrateful jerk not to be over-the-moon happy with the new life that we have been blessed with here.. just... struggling tonight.
2 comments:
You are transitioning into another phase of your life. Change is never easy, but a part of out God's Master plan!! (Throw in a few hormones that are off kilter!!) It's ok, and you're ok! Roll with it, take a bubble bath, etc, it will get better:-) I love you! Aunt Tracy
I hear ya...boy do I ever my friend - in different ways but still...
I miss hearing other languages spoken too:( But I will tell you, at this point, that I wouldn't trade sitting somewhere laughing with my sisters for all the cafes, culture, open markets, view of the Alps and bakeries to die for:) I just keep reminding myself. Some days are so bad and hard and kind of silent though.
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