Friday

Finally, Friday has arrived. That means that Stephen will be home with me for the next two days. Hurrah! 

The girls had a great doctor's appointment on Wednesday. Ada weighed 7lbs 13 oz and measured 20 and 1/2 inches while Margot was 7lbs 14 oz and 21 and 1/2 inches in length. They insist on keeping up with each other! One ounce apart and they both have grown exactly 1 and 1/2 inches since they were born. Everything else looks good. The doctor did say she heard a slight heart murmur in each of them but it is apparently very normal for this age and should disappear soon. She was not concerned but said we would keep a close eye on it for the next few appointments. 

Soon it will be time for those dreaded vaccinations. I want to have them vaccinated, but I am concerned about the amount of vaccinations that are given to their tiny systems at once. All you moms out there... any advice ? After talking at length with the doctor, a new mom herself, I feel so confused that I am inclined to just do it they way the office suggests and say a prayer for their safety. Still, what did the rest of you do about this ? She told me we could do it any way we wanted too and rattled off a bunch of technical mumbo jumbo about when this needed to take place and this other thing and the timing of that as compared with the first one etc etc etc.. yadda yadda yadda. Sheesh. I am glad she is flexible but seriously, how am I supposed to come up with a plan for this when I am not a doctor!?  Help...?

The girls are sleep super well at night right now. Last night they didn't even cluster feed and they slept almost straight through. Margot woke at 2:30 (after going to bed at 9:30) and I fed her, then Ada woke at 4 something. Previously I would make sure both were awake at the same time to feed at night, but I am trying a new strategy. Since the doc said it was ok to start phasing out that early AM feeding, I am letting each girl decide on her own whether she wants to wake to eat or not. If she wants to sleep through, then so be it. So far this strategy has afforded Stephen and I some super rested mornings. With feeding only one baby at a time, I can nurse on my side (aka snooze and nurse at the same time) so he doesn't have to be awake to change diapers and try to keep babies awake enough to eat etc - I can do it all on my own. I "rest my eyes" while they eat. The fall asleep after they are done and we tuck them back into bed. I am sure you are all super interested in all of this. 

Yesterday was a tough day. Stephen stayed just a little late at work. I was expecting him earlier so I had started to watch the seconds tick by when he arrived at the front door. I asked him to watch the girls for me so I could get a few things done around the house - soon after bursting into tears in his arms as I tried to scurry around, doing laundry and organizing the disaster of a desk that I have been staring at for days. He was such a sweetheart and decided that after he had given the girls their bath, he would take them for a drive. He reasoned that it might help me just relax to know they were out of the house and therefore the possibility of them crying at any moment would be removed from my mind. What a great idea! I had never thought of that but he was right. Just those 30 minutes alone with no tears was super refreshing. I got things in my house tidied and even managed to write a few thank you notes. I have to admit, seeing him drive away with the two of them sleeping sweetly in their car seats did make me tear up a little. The thing of it is, they are just so good. Don't get me wrong, they cry - quite a bit - but they are babies .. you know? That's what babies do. I do my best to comfort and engage them but sometimes despite it all - they just cry. I can hold them both at once, though it's not easy, and when this becomes necessary I do my best to comfort both but.. it's hard ya'll. I have taken to letting them nap on the bed with me in the morning. The rest of the day and night they sleep in their crib but after that first morning feeding.. it just seems to work best to have family nap time. I have yet to get frustrated with them because I feel like we are all in this together. They do their best to be patient and let me know what they need and I do my best to accommodate. It's myself that I get frustrated with. Why am I not strong enough to take care of them and manage the house as well ? Why do I choose to take a nap sometimes when they are sleeping when I could be doing other things ? I know I need to rest, I know that all of this will take time but it's hard. I must admit.. I also want my body back. Badly. Seeing my reflection some days can make me want to cover the mirrors in the house. Stringy hair, that belly, those thighs, the same 4 outfits (I plan to remedy that one this weekend with some birthday shopping!) I know this too will take time but I am just saying.. it's hard for me. I am working on it, taking walks really helps my mood. Still, I guess I am just an impatient person. I have been the same size since high school.. until now.. it's hard to go 29 years being the same size and then in 9 months.. it seems that nothing you own will fit on your body. Worry not. I am not trying to diet while breast feeding twins - I don't diet anyway, never have. Just expressing what I am battling over here. In a word.. an acute case of vanity. 

Not to harp on a subject but man.. these girls are just so sweet. Sometimes I hold them for a long time when they have finished eating. We sit in a big pile I feel guilty for not being more creative with their "awake time" in that moment, but all I want to do is talk to them and watch them crane their little necks up to look at me, their hands like tiny star fish grasping at my face, gripping my shirt. Nothing is more precious that watching them work a pacifier in their sleep, that little plastic front bobbing up and down. Some days I think I would just like to hold them the entire day. I was never much of a baby person.. but this is totally different. 

Ok, done rambling.