Tuesday, September 23, 2008


Double decker baby daddy. This is how we spent most of Sunday.. no church.. one walk.. lots of crying and fussiness.. a long Saturday night preceded this long Sunday in which we actually started watching old home videos of ourselves pre-twins. The house was a wreck, but somehow we managed to cook a pot of chili (I was cooking while Stephen sported both babies) and have a pretty decent day after all. We enjoyed watching Jeremy and Michelle's wedding, puppy videos of Oliver and our first trip to New York .. the pre-grad school trip. In one part of that video Stephen and I are walking through a street fair in Chelsea and I ask him what he thinks of New York and does he think he would ever like to live there.. he said yes. 

Monday saw the girls getting their first ever full on tub bath (Margot's belly button FINALLY came off!!!) We took a tiny video and two photos.. see.. it's really a two person job to bathe the little ones so all 4 parental arms were needed so we salvaged what we could for a few memories and then got down to business. They were cold and that luke warm baby approved water doesn't stay "hot" for long. 

Both Ada and Margot are trying desperately to smile at us. They have almost got it and it has happened very briefly a few times already - briefly meaning mili-second and no it's not a "gas smile" its the makings of a real I-see-you-mommy/daddy smile. 

They have been exploring their play gym this week as well. We try to play as much as we can during the day, but those sessions are usually short ones. They can get overstimulated pretty quickly some days. They  are holding onto rings and some toys now which is pretty fun. Ada held onto her frog toy and brought it up to her mouth over the weekend. It's amazing to me how quickly new sensations overwhelm them. Something soft feels good to them one moment but soon becomes and issue and they are ready to let it go or move away from it. They still sleep a lot during the day so many times crankiness during play time is easily remedied by a nap. 

Ada says "What is the problem Margot? I think this is a perfectly fine way to spend 10 minutes of our day."

Why am I still awake.. well.. I am on duty.. despite an evening walk (we went for one this morning too) and a double feeding session, Ada and Margot have decided to stay awake and not fall asleep tonight. We put them down 2 hours ago and soon after I sent Stephen to bed since I had a nice nap today. I think Margot is finally out and I just fed Ada again so hopefully this will be it. Sheesh. Last night they went down so easily and slept so well.. I swear every day is different. Once you think you  have got a system down they change it up on you  and you are back to square one. Have I said that before? Probably, but it bears repeating I think. 

Stephen and I talked a lot about "home" this weekend - "home" being New York/Brooklyn. When we think of Florida and NC (respectively) they don't feel like home.. why is that? Why did we feel more at home in a place we lived for only 2 years? Was it because it was the first place we made a conscious choice to live ? Was it the fact that we felt like we fit in so well there? Who knows. It's hard not to dream of moving back. We talk about it a lot. What if we won the lottery? We could buy a brown stone in Park Slope or Sunset Park and Stephen could have a studio in that building down by the F train. We could fly to see family 'cuz we would be super rich. Heck, we could fly family to see us! We pretend we will move back when the girls are a little older.. before they start school. We are out of our minds, I know this. We are so blessed here in Raleigh - so blessed to be part of this instant community of incredibly wonderful people. So why the heck would we want to go back to bumming around on the subway and walking blocks and blocks to get milk??? I don't understand it. I suppose I have never really felt like I fit in anywhere and Brooklyn/NYC was the first place I have lived that I truly felt at ease and comfortable right away. I felt like I belonged there and I was free to do and say whatever I felt like. No social barriers.. no strange looks.. whatever. I am not going to start whining about missing Brooklyn again I just.. don't get why that place felt like home to us and this place - that is far more home-esque and makes a heck of a lot more sense for us to live in - just doesn't. My Raleigh friends who read this thing probably hate me right now or are rolling their eyes. Rightly so. I know I know... move on.. be grateful. I will.. I am.. really.. goodnight. 


Anonymous said...

(Not to completely ignore the first 3/4ths of your post...)

I KNOW!! The whole NY thing, as I was reading it, I was like, "YES, YES, YES!!!" Same here, Sarah. We've been talking lately about moving back up there, in spite of the fact that Jon has never lived there and is only privy to our twice-a-year-trips. It makes no sense that for as hard as it is to live there, I want to go back and set up residence again. It makes no sense that for as blessed as we are here, that I want to uproot us and take my small-town husband up there and totally rearrange his life! It makes no sense that with the majority of our friends and family down here, I want to move 525 miles away where I won't see them as regularly. It makes no sense, but yet it makes PERFECT sense, and I don't understand why!!

So, your post thrilled me. :) Because we so totally relate to one another! Can I be honest? We hate this area! It's nice and all, but I feel like NY was the first home-away-from-home...and the perfect one, at that. Cary just seems to be a place to live. Sigh. I guess we'll both just wait and see what happens...and pray for the doors to open to get us back up there...someday! :) Hang in there!

Ann said...

I'm a friend of "Suburban Saga" 's mother-in-law (Diana). Just wanted to say that I love your lovely photographs and sensitive reflections.

SMS said...

We feel the same way Wendy!!!! Raleigh is just a place to live.. so strange :( Thank you for speaking up.. at least we know we are not alone in our feelings on the matter :) We gotta meet in person someday soon girl!

Ellen said...

Hmmm.... I have talked to you in your less frustrated moments and think the current New York longing has a lot to do with nostalgia for a less difficult time of life than you are currently experiencing. You will root here. It takes time. But I know you will always consider New York your first home.

Summer said...

Hey Sarah, I just wanted to say that I totally get what it's like to live somewhere that doesn't feel like home. I think experiencing a sense of home is so important, and if NYC is your special place, I think you SHOULD try to make it back there. It doesn't have to make practical sense--being at home isn't about practicality, it's about feeling like you belong somewhere. Anyway..

Hang in there with those twins. They sure are precious.

Nicole Poko said...

right on summer!

Sarah, plenty of people live in NYC with babies and family miles and miles away. If you ever come back we will welcome your family with open arms. You don't need to win the lotto to do it.

Although, remember how much you missed the south for your first few years here? I'm sure you'll find "home" again, it takes a while. Well, whatever you guys end up doing or not doing I am a supporting friend. Glad to see how happy your family is and I'm so glad to hear that Stephen's new job is working out really well.


MrsGardner said...

I'm not rolling my eyes : )

jmbollman said...

I will say this...Boone is the first place that we have actually felt is "home". It literally happened overnight, and boy, what a feeling to know you're in the right place. That said, we've lived in MANY places prior to this, and we always tried our best to make it feel like home. I think building relationships and getting connected in the community plays a major role in that. I understand, though, that with TWO new babies, it may take a while!

Also, thanks for the sweet words about Moriah. It's amazing to think how many lives she has touched outside of just our own, and the girl is only 4!

I am REALLY enjoying your frequent posting! How great is it that we can keep up with each other's chaotic-at-times lives, and the few times a year we are able to meet, know exactly what the other has been going through! Hope you, Stephen, and the girls have a wonderful, restful weekend =)