Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Over it

That's right, I am over it. Completely over it.

- The summer.. the heat.. the sweating.. the mosquitoes .. the heat induced house arrest.. over it.
- The constant migraines, the days wasted in bed, the frustration of watching the days slip by from the dim light of my bedroom... over it.
-The insomnia (brought on by the B2 supplements my new neurologist recommended).. way over that.
-The anxiety brought on by the afore mentioned lack of sleep.. over it.
-The filthy house that we are surviving in because of my inability to do the cleaning.. over it.
-The whining and screaming that fills our days as we try to teach our girls how to behave, get along, and be happy...heartbreakingly over it.
-The food fight... fixing good healthy food day after day only to have them refuse to even try a bite.. resorting to dipping their food in catsup last night... that defeated feeling as we send them to time out over and over for launching their food across the table.. the dread of food shopping not having a clue what to bring home that might temp them to eat a meal (they won't even eat mac n' cheese or hotdogs.. spaghetti..sigh..)..over it.
-The fatigue.. the frustration.. the feeling that I keep losing my fight for a pain free existence.. over it.

Being a mother is hard. Being a woman is hard. Being a human being on this planet is hard. Right now the hardest part for me is the feeling that I just can't get on top of anything. Feeling like a failing invalid is hard to take. Whining about it does no good, I know this. My frustration is mainly with myself. Get over it! Get on with it! Just push through it! I know my kids are doing exactly what all normal kids their age do.. they don't eat. Their tastes change. I get that. I have an incredible husband who just packed up both fussy ladies and took them out for a "morning of adventures" until lunchtime so I can try to get some things caught up around here. I have nothing to complain about. Nothing. I am so blessed, beyond anything I could have ever imagined. So with that thought, I am getting off of this computer .. and going to try to make some actual progress around here while the girls are off adventuring with daddy...


L said...

Can you use that time to curl up with a book or stupid girl movie instead? Sounds like you could use a little unproductive time! Thinking of you dear!!!!

Ellen said...

Hugs and a huge "I'm sorry."

kate said...

O Sarah in your frustration thank you for writing!You are not alone:) I have struggled so much of this year feeling like i am failing because i can't catch is no different.I love you friend and i am praying for you today!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh Motherhood!!! But you do have it twice as much. Can you imagine Bill's Mom with 2 sets of twins and living to be 87. What she always told me was find a hobby that you really enjoy. You are just more than a mother. She actually was a milliner all her life and loved it. I still have one of the hats she made.
Keep up your writing. It is going to sell sometime. Love you. G-Grandma