Smoosh

Kinda sorta dreading they day when they won't all fit in my arms like that. 

Ever have a week (or two or three) where you just can't get your head on straight? Man. Just can't stop riding the emotional roller coaster lately. I know for a fact that it has everything to do with my not having my quiet times in the mornings the way I had been. Still I stubbornly refuse to make myself relearn the habit. I have no good reason for this. It's like when I feel a migraine coming and I refuse to take the medicine to stop it. I feel a storm coming and I just keep standing outside with my metal umbrella underneath the old oak tree. 

I really don't like it when I feel unsettled. I feel unsettled. The area I feel most unsettled in right now is that of community. Community and friends. I have friends, I have several communities. I have my best friend and she is her own community so that is all squared away. I have my family community, our school community, and our church community. I even have a community group. Here's the thing. There has been quite a bit of dabbling in said communities, and frankly that doesn't cut it for me. It is frustrating more than anything I think. I feel spread out. Spread thin, mentally at least. I think about all the people I love and want to spend time with, invite to dinner. But then life, the eternal excuse, gets in the way. So where do I go with all this pent up community love? Into my own head. I second guess budding friendships and fail to write long overdue notes to family I adore. Why does this happen? I don't know. I haven't even mentioned the old friends that I fail to keep in touch with. I guess we just do the best we can. Write when we can, hang out when we can, have dinner when we can. 

This whole post doesn't really have any resolution because A) I don't know how to resolve it and B) the first twin just got up and that means I better go to bed or I won't get much sleep tonight. 

Yes, they still get up every.single.night. They don't sleep through the night anymore and sometimes I am not sure they ever will again.