I have almost got the girls' preschool chosen and confirmed for the fall. This is the culmination of much angst and gnashing of teeth and cursing and huffing and blowing and crying and jubilation and then more of the other. But now.. now that it seems the decision is almost set in stone.. I am so sad I can hardly stand it. It has just occurred to me what this all means. In a few months, my time with them will start to be limited in ways it never has before. They will be gone for 3 hours every morning, 4 days a week. I am sitting here listening to them play upstairs while Frankie naps. In September they won't be here doing that anymore. I know they will be here Friday, I know they will be here the weekends and in the afternoons. But forever more they will no longer be here all day every day with me. They will be back in the summer time, but you know what I am getting at here right? I signed them up for the kids club at the gym so I could get a little time to myself on occasion. Now I can't stand the thought of taking time by myself. Not right now. I want to take them.. anywhere! Everywhere! As much as I can! The weather is beautiful and I want to do every single thing I can think of that requires us all to be together laughing and having a wonderful time. I am hugging them longer. I am kissing them more. I am missing them already. I am fighting against those thoughts that ask why I didn't do this sooner? Why wasn't I obsessed with being with them every moment sooner? Why didn't I want to take them everywhere all the time sooner? I know that the baby being older, the weather being warmer, me being more together.. these things are real and true reasons why I am more inclined to do it now.. and it's not like they are moving out or anything.. but why do I feel so sad? Why do I feel like I let them down somehow? If I am this weepy over the prospect of them going to preschool, how will I ever drive away from them in front of a college dorm?
I need some seasoned mom hugs today. How did you guys do this?