Something Real

So nighttime is my favorite time of the day. We spend about an hour getting baths and getting into jammies and reading and being read to. It's a full participation portion of our day. This was not always the case. More often than not I was upstairs in a dark room suffering from yet another migraine. Then in May, I went on this migraine diet - I can't even remember the name of the book it was in. A friend told me about it. I had to give up my rescue meds and a whole slew of foods and drinks. No more peanut butter or nuts of any kind, citrus, onions, avocado, wine, bourbon, caffeine, chocolate, aged cheese, dried fruits, fresh bread.. to name a few. 

I was faithful to the diet and for the last two months have started to add items back to see if they have any affect on me. So far I can have most of what I was already eating - just in moderation. If I overdo it I could run into trouble. Managing my sleep patterns and my exercise with my food intake has done wonders in this area. It's kind of like a miracle since I have been dealing with 15-20+ migraines a month since I was 18. So that's a good thing. 

Here's something that is threatening to give me a headache that I just can't stop thinking about. Money. More specifically, people asking for it. Even more specifically, Christians asking for it. It's late and this is probably a bad move on my part to write about this now but it is just making me bonkers. Our church is raising money for a new building. I have had my issues with how I felt about this and after much prayer really searching the word - I can honestly say I am on board and actually excited about it. Here's the thing though.. we don't have anything to give. The list of things that they gave us that you could potentially cut back on that would give you extra cash to give to this  - don't do or have a single one of them. I wish I could cut back on my Starbucks consumption (see diet above). I am not judging their motives I am just weary. We give to our local church and what we give is a huge sacrifice for us, a single income teaching family of 5. I would love to give more.. but I don't have it to give. Our church is gracious to families like ours - they understand we may not be able - they ask for us to support them in prayer. I can do that. Still not being able to actually give something tangible stings. Because its the tangible thing - money - that will make or break the deal. This whole weariness started with our church but it has moved to other areas. 

I have noticed various Christian folks in leadership roles that I follow on FB starting to ask for money for various events and life changing conferences and gatherings they are putting together. They want to offer it for free but in order to do that the folks that can afford to pay need to consider paying for those who can't. It just makes me tired. Why are so many Christians doing so many things that cost so much money? There seems to be this overwhelming theme of "God is bigger". God is bigger than money, bigger than this need we have - we know He can do this. I agree wholeheartedly. He is bigger. He is God. The buck stops there. I don't know what my problem is really.. I am just weary of being asked to sacrifice for things that don't directly benefit those He asked us to care for. I just can't seem to get away from that. It seems that all this collecting of money for big projects and conferences is taking care of the church itself - not those outside it. I realize that if you get a group of people fired up about caring for people then the idea is that they will then go and do just that - care for people. Is it working? I hope so. I really really do. I know each of these things I am frustrated with is led by folks who seek the Lord with their whole heart. And you can't go wrong when you are leading that way. It's just my heart and my pocket book are tapped out. I am no longer giving with a gracious and thankful heart - I feel frustrated at being asked.. again.. and by so many voices.