Thursday, August 02, 2012


 We had an opportunity last week to head to the mountains to go ziplining with some old family friends. Katie and Ryan and the boys were in the states and since we haven't seen them in at least 2 years.. possibly more.. we jumped at the chance to spend time with some of our favorite people. We have lived here in NC for a little over 4 years now and this was the first time we had actually gone to visit Barb and Keith. How is that possible? Twins. That's right. Well, said twins are growing faster than we would like to acknowledge right now so I see many more such trips in our fast approaching future.

Margot was all business. Both girls watched the boys do a couple of lines solo. Then they did some lines tandem with us.. then.. they did them on their own. I have video proof but I am too lazy to load it up here right now. If you are friend with me or Stephen on FB you have already seen it anyway. How amazing were those girls?! Seriously. I drastically underestimated Ada and Margot. I honestly thought that they would whimper and chicken out at the last minute. And that would have been totally fine! They don't even turn 4 until Monday! Wow. We were so proud of them we were literally bursting on the drive home that evening. What in the world does the future hold for these two? No way I could/would have done that at 12 much less 3. Buckle up world!

So the summer is fast drawing to a close and I don't even have backpacks for the girls. I have uniforms, but no backpacks .. yet. We will get there. Suddenly I want to shower them in the best of everything I can get my hands on. Whatever their little hearts desire. This could also be a side effect of their upcoming 4th birthday on Monday. 

Right now it's all about fairies. Disney fairies to be exact. Tinkerbell, Rosetta (a name I despise because I associate it with a particularly hateful co-worker in NY), Vidia..? Really? For some reason the fairy thing seems a little more up their alley than the princess thing. At least fairies like to make things out of "lost things". Ada found a screw in the sand at the park and has been holding it tight in her sweaty little fist all day waiting to figure out what to do with it. A lost thing! Very exciting stuff. 

Frankie is too cute for her own good. She is completely escaping all means of discipline around here. She has to climb atop a table at least 5 times before she is scolded. We both keep reminding one another that this is trouble in the making but she is like a tiny puppy.. you can pick her up and move her with little effort so you make little effort to teach her otherwise. Bad mistake folks. See she just looks at you with those big blue eyes and grins that toothy grin of hers and you are toast. I am toast at least. Everything she does is adorable. Her current favorite book for instance..? Ferdinand the Bull That is my favorite too!!! I mean the illustrations alone.... she has good taste that baby. You finish reading it too her and she just taps the cover and asks for it again..and again and again... it's wonderful. 

Today marks one full week for me of zero medication. I have been on Prozac since the twins were 4 months old and switched to Wellbutrin about 5 months ago. I feel like I am rehashing old news but I can't remember what I have actually shared here and what I have shared with the friends I see in person. Anyway, I had one of those gut feelings that I needed to just take a break from meds. The same sort of feeling I had when I knew I should hide my jewelry box in Brooklyn.. and then some a*& stole my mom's diamond earrings.. remember that? Not the sort of feeling that is self righteous and tries to make you believe you really don't need to be on medication because there is nothing wrong with you. I know good and well where my problem areas are. I have had that sort of feeling before. Like when I lost the baby. I was sure that being on Prozac was the reason and I had a "feeling" that I just didn't need to be on it anymore. Wrong. So horribly, terribly, wrong. This time it's different. Don't all crazy people say that though? Yes, yes they do. But for this week.. it has been different. I was on such a low dose that I didn't even notice when I stopped taking it. The best part about not being on it is that I don't feel any anxiety whatsoever. The funny thing about these sorts of drugs is that while they are meant to alleviate stress and anxiety in your body.. they can also cause the same feelings. Sometimes the feelings the meds cause are much less severe than the feelings your own brain produces.. so you gratefully deal with a little increased heart rate and bid farewell to the suffocating anxiety attacks that you were previously battling. It seems, thus far at least, that the irritating anxiety that I have been dealing with periodically since I started W was a result of the W itself. Being off of it has been such a relief, thus far. Thus far I don't have to try to ignore mild to moderate panic attacks whilst playing with my girls. Stephen is watching me like a hawk. When I seem snippy he draws my attention to it. But, thus far, it seems that it is just me being snippy.. as I snap out of it pretty quickly. I think it is just me being a little moody because I have twin mouths that have no volume or off switch running at a steady pace of blur, constantly. The good news, thus far, is that said moodiness has not, thus far, progressed to the crazy mad angry outbursts for which I started seeking medication in the first place. I feel good. I feel calm. And I am NOT on top of it. STILL have yet to clean the house after our return from Florida. I have had my moments of "ACK!!!" but those have not lead to me hiding under the covers or being mean to my better half.. thus far. Anyway.. we will see how this little experiment progresses. My doctor thought it was a good idea so.. maybe it was. I don't really trust it until it has lasted this well for quite a bit longer.. months in fact.. still.. thus far.. things are good.


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