Daily Bread

At the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens this summer (overlooking the rose garden)...wishing for summer's speedy return lately..

The weekends are gradually getting better around here. Two weekends ago, I made it out of the house with Stephen for the first time since..well..it had been awhile. Granted, I didn't make it outside until about 4 o'clock but once we were on the move, we went for hamburgers at Burger 67 in Brooklyn (our favorite burger joint lately) and then to Target - very exciting stuff. I broke down in tears while eating my burger, snuffling about how much I was going to miss moments like those eating a fantastic burger and super fries with an ice cold RC Cola (yes, they serve RC Cola there....see why I would miss that?!). We walked past BAM (Brooklyn Academy of Music) which happens to house our favorite movie theater, and I could see Stephen's wistful gaze out of the corner of my eye. Still not quite enough steam in me to do both Target and a movie.

Last weekend we decided to go on a real date. Stephen had a gift certificate to our favorite restaurant, Henry's End in Brooklyn Heights, for a free entree - the restaurant sent it in honor of his birthday - and we had to use it up before the 15th of this month. We spent the day indoors resting and cleaning up, then got dressed up and headed out to eat at 5:30 in the hopes of avoiding the crowd - that place always has at least a 45 minute wait and you can't make a reservation for 2. We were in luck and got there just in time to be seated right away. Best table in the house, tucked all the way at the back by a window. The food was perfection as always and we lingered as long as we could, without feeling too guilty about the line of people shivering out on the sidewalk. I was feeling energetic and optimistic, so we decided to go see a movie at the neighboring theater after dinner. It wasn't starting for another hour and surprising as it may seem, there just aren't any coffee shops right around there to kill time in. It was cold so we couldn't just stand around and decided to go walk across the Brooklyn Bridge instead. I have been wanting to do this for so long and it was the perfect set of circumstances. We had just enough time to make it to the first tower and read all the plaques, it was cold but not too windy, dark, and we were warmed from our meal. It was just as magical as I had thought it would be. We made it back to the theater 15 minutes before the movie started so we had plenty of time to find a good seat. We saw "There Will Be Blood". It was great, but I really liked "No Country for Old Men" much better.

This morning I woke up determined to go to church. I haven't been since I started getting so sick, so it's been weeks and weeks..and weeks. I didn't even ask or care if Tim was teaching today. I have been listening to his sermons that I miss on my iPod but still.. I needed to be there. I was brimming with just enough energy to get us there on time and sit down to rest.

Yesterday was a difficult day for both Stephen and myself. We have been walking in faith about our move and job situation since we found out about the twins, refusing to get stressed out about the long list of things that I am not going to talk about here right now because I know that the Lord is going to help us work all of them out and with that said, I leave them at the foot of the cross and move on with my daily life. Still, we are human and it's so easy to doubt and let fear creep in. Yesterday it took Stephen in the morning, and then me in the afternoon. We felt defeated and faithless, confused and frustrated, lost.. the usual suspects. We rallied together but we were weakened in our faith and nobody likes that feeling.

This morning, during the Lord's Prayer, when we came to the line "Give us this day our daily bread" I felt like a lightening bolt struck my spirit. Daily bread, as in daily.. as in.. for today... not tomorrow, not next week, not "Give us this year our monthly bread".. He reminded me in a flash that he takes care of our daily needs and that is all we need to be concerned with. Nice reminder - sure I have heard that before and maybe even had the same revelation before but this morning it was particularly significant. Then we sang the first song, "Be Still, My Soul". We may have sung this before but it sounded new to my ears this morning. The first verse caught my attention:

"Be still my soul: The Lord is on your side; bear patiently the cross of grief or pain; leave to your God to order and provide in every change He faithful will remain. Be still, my soul: your best, your heavenly Friend thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end."

Then we hit the second verse:

"Be still my soul: your God will undertake to guide the future as He has the past. Your hope, your confidence let nothing shake; all now mysterious shall be bright at last. Be still my soul: the waves and winds still know His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below."

There was no question that the Lord meant for Stephen and I to be there together to sing that song this morning. We looked at each other with tears in our eyes, struggling to keep it together. It was like having the Father lay His hands on our shoulders and give us an encouraging squeeze.

The sermon was great too, even though someone other than Tim was teaching (really just meant there were fewer C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien references peppered throughout the message). Afterward we went to Burger Heaven where Stephen had a burger and I had a baked potato and steamed vegetables (can not get enough baked potatoes lately). Then, after stopping to stock up on some snacks for me, we headed off to the Met to look at the clock exhibit and the musical instrument section. I love that place. I kept wandering off course to see things like "Madam X" the Sargent portrait or "Hagar in the Wilderness" by Corot (more affectionately known to us as the "Shooting angel painting" as there is an angel coming in from the left that looks like it is going about 90 MPH). I also got distracted by an exhibit of items from their design collection - I am always distracted by design shows that include art deco items. At any rate we wandered around for hours and finally left, fully satisfied, around 4 o'clock. Then we walked through the park to the catch the train home. Now Stephen and Oliver are playing retro games on the game cube. I can't believe I am still awake after all that walking around but incredibly I seem to still have a lot of energy. We are entering week 13 so maybe my energy level is a good sign that I will get to enjoy this next trimester after all :)