For crying out loud...

...Gore ..Nobel Peace Prize?!?!! I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. Ann Coulter (sp?) jamming her foot in her mouth yet again ?!?! Sigh. Sometimes the morning news just doesn't start your day off on the right foot.

You know what does start the day off on a good foot ? The memory of the date you went on last night with your husband that's what!

It was raining last night when we headed out from 30 Rock to grab a bite to eat and go see the re-released edition of Blade Runner The Final Cut. We headed down the village to find a laid back place to get some some comfort food and landed at Fiddlesticks, which is sort of an Irish pub type place. Stephen had bangers and mash, I had Sheppard's Pie and we both had a nice cold beer to go with it all. We sat discussing our day and plans for the not so distant future as the rain trickled down the window.



Couldn't resist a photo of Papaya Dog's presidential plea.



This is the first movie we have gone to see at the Ziegfeld theater. I had no idea it was so close to my office - 54th between 6th and 7th. It's an old fashioned theater and Stephen thinks that this is the theater that was the subject of that Seinfeld episode where Kramer tries to save the theater with Loyd Brawn ... anyone..? Anyone ...? Beuller... ?



This place is not only huge but beautiful, as most older theaters tend to be. The ticket taker bellowed good-naturedly "Step right up to see Blade Runner!! I wanna see some knee shakin' excitement folks.. you are here to see Blade Runner!!!!".. it was very carnival-esque. Up the tiny escalator we went with the throngs of film buffs and sci-fi nerds, complete with shaggy hair, beards and black rimmed glasses. The tiny knot of Peter Jackson look-a-likes in the center of the picture above are the early bird crowd. Like us they arrived way in advance to make sure they had a prime seat for the picture. By the time the movie actually started it was practically a full house - which is saying something considering the size of this place.

The film itself was epic. I have seen Blade Runner many times but never on the big screen and the extra footage that was added, along with the far less ambiguous ending made this one of our top ten date nights. It-was-incredible. If you live in NY or close by, and like this film in it's older versions (how can you not like it..? it's a classic!!) I highly recommend a trip to the Ziegfeld. I left the theater feeling transformed, as I often do after seeing these types of larger than life movies. Hurrah for Philip Dick and his imagination.



Finally.. I couldn't resist this shot either. This is a stall in the ladies room of the Ziegfeld. Umm.. yes.. there is actually a pedestal sink in each stall, complete with soap dispenser and paper town dispenser. You just don't see that everyday.

Belated Camping Details..

Stephen and I (and Oliver) had a great time this past weekend on our camping trip to the Catskills. The funny thing is that if I give you all the details, it could actually be classified as the worst trip we have been on.

Stephen carefully chose our spot way in advance, to make sure that it was off on it's own and nice and private. Unfortunately the map the campground has online (you have to make reservations as this state park .. ) is very misleading. The site that looked so private and secluded online, turned out to be right across from the campground entrance, one of the bath houses etc. You can see all that in the photo below. Stephen was devastated. Also, the campsites are right on top of each other... you can see that in the photo above. I had a migraine both days, I took medicine and they went away pretty fast but it still left me a little weak feeling. The second day a troop of Boy Scouts moved into the sites next to us on Saturday (loud teenage boys - aaahhh the peace and quiet of the wilderness). We got rained on twice on Saturday.. the first time while we were preparing our dinner over the fire.. the rain dampened our charcoal that we were cooking over but as we watched the promising orange glow we were excited by the idea that it had to stop raining eventually and when it did our food would probably be perfectly cooked!! Not so.. it didn't get cooked enough to eat .. the first time ever that our campfire meal didn't work. I could go on but I am going to switch gears here.

Despite all of the above that made out trip seem like an unfortunate series of events, we had an amazing time. See, that's just how nature starved we Brooklyn dwellers have been lately. Nature STARVED. I won't lie, when we arrived and saw that our spot was steps from the entrance we were not thrilled.. there were a couple of forced moments. But we both agreed that "it is what it is" and as the campground was booked solid, it wasn't like we could do anything to change it. So we resolved to have a good time to matter what and we did. We drank in the smell of the fallen leaves all around us - heavenly. When our dinner didn't work out we shrugged, started another fire after the rain let up, and pulled out the leftover hot dogs from the night before. We had a no make-up no shower weekend, which felt amazing in the crisp cool weather (meaning we were not all sweaty and sticky and gross). We heard owls at night, actually the first time I have ever heard one in the wild. We saw a huge black bear on our way home. He/she was walking next to the road until someone honked their horn and he/she turned and ran back into the safety of the forest.

If this trip taught me anything it's that Stephen and I are desperate to be near mountains and wooded areas. We fit pretty well here in the city but I am constantly reminded that we truly belong in a more rural area. Or at least within easy driving distance to said rural area, and no the fight to get out of the city and on your way north is not an "easy driving distance". One of these days .. we hope :) Despite my list of unfortunate details at the beginning of this post, please believe me when I say we both had an incredible time !! It wasn't the blue ridge (my personal fav) but it was time away from the city, outdoors, with my best friend and that is worth more than anything I can think of at the moment.

And now.. the tour..



Our sweet set up. We are very minimal campers and usually have no air mattress or camp stove. We like to rough it. This trip we had my birthday camp stove and we actually brought out air mattress with us. Good decisions both.



Stephen makes a mean breakfast, complete with espresso !!!



The fruits of his labor. My fried eggs (egg whites only of course - for those of you who don't know I can't eat the yellow part) pan toasted English Muffin with strawberry jam and plenty of bacon. So good!


A very sleepy Oliver waking up in the tent and ready for his walk.



Our Saturday hiking trip. We didn't go the whole way because frankly we just didn't feel like tiring ourselves out and we wanted to enjoy part of the day at the site. We did go far enough to find a fantastic lunch spot and sit for awhile and enjoy the surroundings.



Beautiful. Not another human being in site.



My "thousand mile stare". I did that a lot. It takes awhile for me to fully decompress.



Last but not least.. my boys relaxing by the fire. Oliver got himself into that chair and curled up for an afternoon nap. What can I say ? Even our dog knows how to kick back!

bump..

..no, not that kind of bump..I cracked my shin on the subway today (slipped on a piece of GARBAGE on the train and smacked it on the edge of one of the seats).. and now I have a huge painful purple bump on my shin. Sigh. We are going camping tomorrow and I am afraid I will be in too much pain to hike :( Please pray it gets better since this will be the first time we have actually gone to the mountains around here this year.. see you guys on Sunday!!!!

Do you..

..hold your breath for a few seconds after accidentally having to walk through someone's sneeze cloud ?

..feel that a 15 minute walk to the CVS on Lexington and 53rd, and a stop to pick up a hamburger and fries at GoodBurger constitutes a decadent lunch break ?

..wish that ChapStick only came in Strawberry Flavor ?

..tear up every time you see a fire fighter, police officer, or member of the armed forces in uniform ?

..think that Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is the most romantic and inspiring film since you watched Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken when you were 13 ?

..wish that you were sitting next to Stephen up there on that boulder watching the waves crash in Maine ?

I do.

xoxo

stuck

No, I am not so desperate for a baby that I have started dressing Oliver up in human clothes. Stephen and the monkey here were wrestling and Stephen threw his shirt over Ollie to confuse him and Ollie got disoriented in the confusion and stuck his head right out of the sleeve of the shirt! He had to be untangled by one of the "adults" he lives with. I love that look in his eye.. caught and still completely prepared and expecting for Stephen to pounce on him :)

I am feeling strangely light and giddy tonight. Like I have just had a tickle fight and lost miserably. I guess I had not noticed the absence of my own laughter until tonight when everything Stephen did or said was so funny I could hardly contain myself. Having re-read what I just wrote it does actually sound like something is wrong with me. I have not been drinking and I never do drugs on Mondays. Maybe it's some lovely new aura.. I have had a migraine everyday for the past week..if so I must say I prefer this to my usual visual deficits and nausea. Such an odd feeling, it's like I have helium in my veins.

Do you ever feel like you and the people around you are all in on the same joke but pretending not to know about it ? I do. When I am riding on the train on those mornings where there is an elbow in my rib cage and a backpack catching my hair .. sometimes I feel like laughing out loud or saying something like "Boy.. Monday's bad enough without having to stand all the way to Manhattan .. am I right folks??" Then I come to my senses and remember that not only are these people around me not in on my "joke" but the last thing they want to do is figure out where to direct their eyes after some lunatic like myself says some "we are all in this together" comment that everyone else can hear. Thankfully my "team commuter" moments are few and far between and I rarely verbalize anything other than " 'scuse me" to my fellow riders.

I am feeling seriously weird ya'll .. so I am going to bed now.

xoxo

..of 25 cent flowers and a new pea coat..

Happy Birthday to me !!!!! With the generous contributions of Mary and Larry, Elsie, Matt and Lonna, Carol and Abigail (whsoo that's a lot of birthday checks and JCrew gift cards!!!) ... I am pleased to announce that I am the proud owner of a new JCrew Classic Pea Coat (in Heather Charcoal)!!!! I have had the same Pea Coat since high school and I am so excited to be able to upgrade :) Thanks everybody!!!!!






On the way home tonight, I was listening to my 80s mix and admiring what I took to be a harvest moon, when I was stopped on the sidewalk by one of the little boys on my block. He and his friend were selling "flowers" for a dollar and he wondered if I would buy one. I told him that sadly I did not have any dollar bills. He asked if I had any "cents" and said maybe I could buy one of his "flowers" with some of that. I am a sucker for industrious little kids so I hauled out my wallet and found a quarter. Both little boys offered me their wares and I chose the specimen above because I was assured by the vendor that if I "put it in the dirt it will grow". Of course what these boys were actually selling were the tiny tips of various plants and flowers from their parents yards... I know I am the most horrible of suckers but I love to be suckered in by those sweet innocent faces. I mean seriously how could I possibly refuse ?!?! The bartering and transaction alone made me forget every annoying thing that happened at work today.

When my brother was little he was one of those kids. Selling the daisies he pulled up in the strawberry field when we went strawberry picking in the summer. He went door to door in our neighborhood selling "bouquets" and came back with a bounty of pocket change that our sweet neighbors most willingly handed out. I can remember thinking that he must have been so annoying going door to door like that, bothering our neighbors. Now I know that he was just a breath of fresh air at the end of their work day.

Finally I have to comment on a piece I read in Newsweek on the way home tonight. Apparently Kathy Griffin won an Emmy Award for her reality show "My Life on the D-list"... and I quote...

"in her acceptance speech she explained that while other actors might thank Jesus for such an honor she wouldn't consider it. 'Suck it, Jesus,' she exuberantly added, waving her statuette in the air, 'This award is my God, now.' "

The article goes on to explain that "outrage from Christian groups predictably followed" as various Christian leaders appeared on talk shows to complain that if she had said "Suck it Jews " or "Suck it Muhammad" no one would have been laughing. Newspapers reported that E! television would edit the speech before airing the show the next weekend, which "predictably" brought on outraged responses from liberal groups claiming censorship. Soon some atheistic youths in Hawaii jumped on board and launched a site called ..wait for it.. "suckitjesus.com" where they gathered support for Kathy Griffin's cause as networks tried to decide whether or not to air her comments. Some Christian theater in TN took out $180 K in full page ads in USA Today "decrying Griffin's remarks and pleading for a new civility". Sigh. I do my best not to be what I consider a "Hyper Christian". That means I stand on the sidelines in these situations and refuse to jump on the bandwagon unless I am super passionate about the true meat of the cause at hand and have considered the issue from all sides. I love Jesus, I am super passionate about that. But listen here folks.... Jesus loves Kathy Griffin. Think about that for a minute. The Bible promised that being a Christian would not be easy. We were never meant to be the popular crowd. What Griffin said was wrong and offensive but let's show everyone what it really means to follow Jesus.. don't play their game guys. Turn that other cheek. It's a losing battle. It always has been. It always will be. I have always felt that it is times like these that Christians have the greatest opportunity to witness by truly showing the love of Christ. Christ doesn't take out ads in USA Today. Our God is a just and merciful God. Let's rest in that knowledge and not let a smart ass comment by a spoiled Hollywood performer ruffle our spiritual feathers. I might have just ignited a firestorm of commentary but... if this is an issue that gets you riled up or you don't agree with my opinion on the matter I'd love to hear from you. Seriously.... comment away!
xoxo

Alright already!!!!!

I know I know I know.. I have been MIA for a few weeks. Sorry guys. My trip to NC was a whirlwind that only got crazier when I got back to Brooklyn. Work has been insane.. insane... insane. I have more to do than I could get done in 3 months of overtime. Sorry all you young promising lawyers out there but recruiting you guys.. really blows!!! It's just a mountain that grows and grows and never lets up or slows down. Even with 2 of us doing it full time now.. just nuts. Lunch has become a thing of the past. I try my hardest to get there as early as I can and work through lunch and pray I can leave by 6:30 or 7:00 at the earliest.. anyway.. let's see... what have I been up too lately....

I went home for my birthday as you all know. Had a great trip.. a little hectic .. but great none the less. The picture up there is of the birthday cards Stephen made for me.. yes those are real butterfly wings. The lower left black and white is a clue to what my presents were ...



This is the amazing devils food coconut cake that Stephen made for me when I got back from NC on the 12th. The first occupant of my cake cover and it tasted like heaven!!! Stephen has vowed to make me a different cake every year for my birthday.. no two alike.. so far so good :)



I spent my actual birthday morning with my best friend Ellen. I spent the night there after taking Stephen to the airport in Raleigh on Sunday afternoon.. Ellen made me another type of coconut cake.. her mothers recipe. She and David sang happy birthday that night and we had cake before we went to bed. Ellen and I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning talking and then in the morning I was awakened by Ellen and Mr. Seth and their bounty of birthday presents!!! So many presents I had to choose my favorite to represent the pile.. that's right folks, those are true vintage PanAm glasses .. amazing! Getting to spend my birthday with Ellen really made the day. It's so relaxing and nice to hang with those who know you best.

I drove home in the early afternoon to hang out with and eat dinner with my Aunt B. I haven't gotten to spend that much time with Aunt B since I don't even know when. We talked and ate dinner in and generally had a fantastic visit. Made it hard to come back to NY.



This is part of my birthday present from Stephen.. a set of pots and pans to add to our camping equipment. He also gave me a camp stove... and.... we are going camping in the Catskills in 2 weeks!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!! We have always been "if it can't be cooked on/in/over the fire you don't eat it on a camping trip" kind of folks but .. I am totally down with being able to whip up coffee and warm soup on a stove. He knows me too well :)



The biggest surprise on my birthday came from my sweet daddy. A mandolin!!!!!! A black one at that... I am SO sure that if Jack White has a mandolin it's a black one so I was super thrilled by this!! For those of you who don't know, the mandolin has the same strings as violin (an instrument that I have been playing since I was 9) so though it's a different musical concept for my brain to pluck instead of bow I am still in familiar territory. I played David Shingler's when we were in Maine for awhile and fell head over heels .. I have always been a fan of mandolin players of all shapes and sizes but had never played it myself until then... when I have 2 seconds to sit down I will really learn how to play it... for now it's just this amazing present that was a total surprise sitting like a wink from my dad in the corner of the living room.. such an amazing gift.

So I was in NC for my older brother Page's 40th birthday party.. it was a great party and a good time was had by all. It was so nice to see everyone.. I got spend a lot of time with Gram and John and Mariel were home with Zin so we saw them too. I wish I could be more eloquent about how much I loved my trip home and how it made me feel and all of that but ... I tired ya'll. Really tired. I feel like all I do is run to work and run home and try to spend some time with Stephen before passing out and doing it over again. This is no way to live folks.... seriously... I am not living. Just surviving... barely. Reaching the end of my quickly fraying rope here. I just want a vacation. A real vacation where I can go away and not come back for about 5 weeks or so... just want to get away from everything and clear my head. I feel foggy. I hate that feeling.

This weekend I was in Miami for a bachelorette party for one of my work buddies. Yeah, I don't want to hear it. "if you are so tired why were you at a bachelorette party in South Beach?? Hmmmm? That's why you are so tired .. you are having to much fun!!" ...um. No. I was tired before I went and frankly feel no worse for the wear now. Not to mention when I was originally invited it sounded like a great idea.. how was I to know I would be so drained for Fall OCI ??? At any rate I had a great time ...I literally sat on the beach on Saturday and just stared out at this.....


... no reading .. no iPod.. just water.. and sky.. and the occasional topless chick. Yeah you can go topless on Miami beaches. No, I did not partake. This was my first real bachelorette destination get away like this and will most definitely be my last. I had an amazing time seriously.. but all that dancing and hanging out wears a girl out and frankly I was so homesick for Stephen I could hardly stand it. Even Malani, the bachelorette herself, said that this was her last bachelorette party she planned to attend :) She was done in too!! It was good times but at some point in your life you have really had enough of beating drunk guys away from your behind and screaming "I'm married!!!!!.. Yes..MARRIED (point to rings on left hand)!!!!!!" over the music. I passed that point long before this trip and I was brutally reminded of just how much I despise single guys that hang out in clubs this weekend. That's all I am going to say about that. The highlights of the trip were hanging out at the pool and on the beach with Malani and the rest of the girls. We had a great time visiting and enjoying ourselves and I am super excited to see everyone again at the wedding next month :)

So there you have it, Madam Ellen aka Blog Watcher Nazi ;) this is a fast forward of what I have been up to with no emotion thrown in because I have been too tired to really go into the way I feel about things. But I am glad we did this.. we will have to it again real soon :)
Seriously though... I am hanging on by a thread here people. Can't you tell??!!?!! Let's hope there is some light at the end of the tunnel soon .. working on keeping my spirits up but just mentally and physically exhausted with a capital E. Will try to update more regularly.. I know these marathon posts are a bit much.
xoxo

My hero...

This is a picture of Stephen saving my life last week...I had a horrible week.. horrible.. terrible.. I was exhausted and cranky and had to pack for Miami to leave the next morning and was really starting to wish that I had not agreed to go... he called me at work and asked me what he could do to help.. "Take care of dinner!" I said " Go to the grocery store and by a bunch of good food, don't worry about the cost I want good food and lots of it! Comfort food.. and a desert of some sort. Please..." He happily agreed and when I got him he had prepared a Mexican feast with sparkling Limeade to drink and key lime pie for desert. What an amazing man I am married to. All I had to do was put on my comfy clothes and sit down and eat all of the amazing food he bought and fixed. Stephen fixing me dinner is not a rarity around here.. I must give him credit for that since he fixes dinner more than I do sometimes (ok lately most of the time). Hearing his sweet voice at work and coming home to his smiling face handing me a plate was just the tonic I needed from a brutal work week. Gotta love that servant's heart my boy has.

Lately

Tuesday, Stephen and I woke super early to climb the tiny ladder to our roof and watch the lunar eclipse. We took a very sleepy Oliver along and made it time to see the sliver of the moon slide from view. Across the river the city was stirring to wakefulness and Lady Liberty's lamp shown clear and bright. A special early morning treat, even if I did spend my morning at work downing several triple grande lattes and a few cups of office brew.



Out of a personal necessity for some major change in my everyday, Stephen and I re-did the bedroom recently. For those of you who have had the pleasure of staying at the 3rd floor Chateau, you will surely appreciate the lovely wide walkway though the chambre. No more stubbed toes on midnight trips to the bathroom.



This weekend I was extremely self indulgent. We went to "The Garage" on Saturday and I bout these lovely Goebel birds. I am not the figurine type but... I could not pass them up. Seems to cheer whatever room they roost in. So far they have roosted in all but the salle de bain - I keep moving them around.



I was also unable to pass up the necklace and earrings above. They are from the 30s and the man who sold them to me at the garage gave me a sick deal. They are the real deal. Exquisite persimmon glass beads. They have a wonderful weight to them. Absolutely in love with this set.



This fab milk glass lamp was part of the bedroom revision. I found it at "Trailer Park" in Park Slope. Perfection at a super bargain price. Much prettier in person.



My trip to the "Trailer Park" also yielded a long sought after cake cover. Not sure of the decade for this one but I was ecstatic! My mom has an aluminum number that I have lusted after since she found it at a thrift store. These are so hard to come by. Can't wait to bake something!!



The most extravagant purchase for the bedroom was the quilt. It's from Anthropologie and I have been lusting after it for a few months. I finally decided to take the plunge. I love it. Cheers the whole place. Just enough change to get the stale feeling out of my ocular nerves.

We are still going to get some Flor squares for the walkway and possibly some for the kitchen but that can wait until it gets a bit colder.

These past weeks have seen very little in the way of good rest for this blogger. Recruiting season is in full swing at work and I feel consistently behind the 8 ball. Doesn't seem to matter how early I arrive or how late I stay, still come home feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Oh well... I did agree to join the recruiting team...I knew it would be like this. Builds strength of character, eh?

As if I haven't had enough difficult decisions of late, my big boss in LA threw me yet another curve ball at dinner the other night. We were all out to dinner (Carol, Abigail, Melissa, Korina and I) with said boss and we inquired to him about the current search for an Office Manager in our DC Office, as in "Do you have any good candidates ?" I will skip to the point of the story and tell you that he proceeded to turn to me and ask if me I wanted to move to DC. Yes, he was serious. I thanked him for the flattering offer and promised to at least mention it to Stephen. Stephen, not wanting to limit our options, told me he would be willing to consider it...and off I went. Spending the next few nights in sleepless agony, turn down an offer to pursue a position with a six figure salary or accept the chance to dive into the interview gauntlet with the DC Partners knowing that if I emerged as the successful candidate that I would have to move to yet another city where I would have to start from scratch. Such are the stupid problems I seem to encounter in life. So piddling and silly. But for someone who is trying to help her husband take over the role of bread-winner and start a family as a stay at home mother... well life is never simple. Not for anyone. Life has become a series of decisions and choices. After much prayer and consultation with loved ones I have decided to say no thank you. Sure, I may never really be able to be a stay at home mom... but I can certainly continue in that direction. I have wanted nothing more than that since I was a little girl taking my doll with me to Pizza Hut and changing her little doll diaper in the booth. I never went anywhere without a diaper bag and a doll. I think it's ok to pursue my truest deepest desire right now. Anyway..for all the discussion I engaged in on the DC matter.. I never felt a peace about it. I think it's important to know yourself and I know myself enough to know that a move to DC might do me in emotionally. What a sap right? What a weakling ... well...yes I am .. and proud of it. I am proud that I have true goals that need following and that I am strong enough not to be distracted from the life Stephen and I have worked so long and hard to attain. I am not ashamed that these goals consist of babies and workshops and a washer and dryer in my living space. I'm going to stay the course. Geez I sound like such a sappy lunatic but you have no idea how much I agonized over this decision.. trying to make sure I wasn't turning down something the Lord was trying to bless me with..if you know me you know I have been a miserable wreck all week. Such decisions have severe side effects on me. Anyway... I didn't much feel like writing ... as evidenced by my lack of posting.

Now I am enjoying the last moments of my 3 day weekend. I finished "The Time Travelers Wife" on Friday and find myself wishing I not been so greedy. Such an amazing book, I should have savored it a bit longer. I always get a little blue after a really great book. I get sort of homesick for the characters. Stephen and I finished Harry Potter a few weeks back and as it was the end of the series it was much easier to take. I was so pleased she chose to write a epilogue. I thought that added a nice note of comfortable finality.

Stephen and I will be going to NC sans Oliver on Thursday. Page is turning 40(?!?!?!?) and John and I are traveling home to be there for the party. I can't WAIT to get home! We decided to leave the pup since traveling can be hard on him and our neighbors really enjoy taking care of him - they get to have a sweet cuddly dog for the weekend .. who wouldn't love that :)

Stephen and Oliver are watching another Civil War disc, I am going to join them. Hope everyone had a fantastic weekend.

xoxo

Two dollars to play two dollars to win..

"...six players for a choice prize..six players choice prize.. I need six players for a choice prize.. two dollars to play to dollars to win ..six players for a choice prize..."

Stephen and I spent Saturday afternoon at Coney Island. We have not been since the winter trip we took to the Aquarium where we happened upon the Polar Bear Club doing their thing. This time we came to play some serious Skeeball and ride the infamous Cyclone. We decided to make that our first stop. This wooden roller coaster is slathered in 246 layers of shiny white paint and the men that work the ride are as much a part of the experience as the hand painted signs that warn you to secure not only your glasses and hats but also your wig when entering the ride. Stephen and I decided to go balls out and ride in the very last car. We far underestimated the power of the Cyclone. I have never been so whipped around and beaten up on a ride in my life! I have been on many wooden roller coasters but none like this one. I felt as though I had been strapped to block of lead and pushed over the edge of a steep cliff. Our screams were genuine as we were whipped around the turns and hurtled down the dips feeling as though we might fly right out of the tiny car. It was probably the most fantastic coaster ride I have ever been on. When it was over we stumbled out of the car, rubbing our wounds and unable to stop laughing. You know you have been on a fantastic ride when you leave unable to wipe the smile from your face. I don't even mind the bruised thigh and elbow I woke up with today. It was more than worth it.



We hope to go back as many times as possible this year. For those of you who don't know, Coney Island is being replaced. You heard it right. Coney Island is being replaced by condos and one of those overpriced amusement park things like Six Flags or something. Soon the Cyclone and the Wonder Wheel of Astroland will meet their doom. I can't help but be against it. It is a historic land mark and I think they are making a mistake to mess with it. Sure, its old and worn down but there in lies its charm. I am sure the changes being made are fiscally responsible for the owners - whoever they are. But it still feels like a mistake and it makes me sad. I like being able to walk around take in the all of that Americana. I am not sure I will want to bother visiting some bright and shiny new park...





We skipped the ridiculous line at Nathans this time and instead bought our junk food on the boardwalk. Corn dog, fries, funnel cake, corn on the cob, lemonade and beer. We responsibly split each of these items - to keep from lapsing into a grease coma.


Last night we had our friends Adam and Nicole over for dinner. We threw some kabobs on the ol' grill and then sat around visiting, stuffing ourselves with freshly grilled veggies and pineapple and the fabulous pasta salad that Adam and Nicole brought. It was such a nice visit and I wish we had done it sooner. These sort of days make me wish the summer would stretch on a little longer.



Today I woke up with a migraine so we had to skip church. After I finally recovered we walked over to Sunset Park, picking up some fresh tacos on the way. We sat under a shady tree looking out at the city across the river and enjoying our lunch. Wondering why anyone would want to live over there. We decided that we were sure they had their reasons and they were probably very good, but we were also sure that we much preferred the peace of Brooklyn and were glad we both felt the same way on the matter.



What a view.

Stephen is working in his studio and I am watching episode 3 in Ken Burns "Civil War". If you have never seen this I highly recommend it. It is not only fascinating, but has the effect of making me feel closer to my fellow Americans and the history we share. We have been on a Ken Burns kick with Netflix lately. Last week it was "Civil War" and "The Shakers".

Hope everyone else is having a nice lazy Sunday afternoon.

Lights Out

Stephen and I rode home in the dark tonight. When our train pulled into West 4th and I saw that the car was dark, my first thought was that the power was out in there and that it was going to feel like a dark furnace of body heat. One of those "Aren't you glad you use Dial?" moments. We poked our heads in anyway when the doors opened and it was pleasantly cool, the lights being the only thing out of order. It was sort of late already, but though the train was full there were seats for most and we gratefully sat down by the door. I have not ridden in a completely dark subway car before. It was like being in some rickety roller-coaster hurtling towards an unknown dip or loop. The lights on the walls of the tunnels flashed in, illuminating the faces of our fellow passengers. Everyone was quiet. At one point, after we had crossed the bridge and were on Brooklyn soil, the train came to a stand-still waiting for it's turn to enter the station. We sat for at least 5 minutes. After the first 2 minutes passed, people began taking out various electronic devices (cell phones, iPods, Blackberries) and soon the car was filled with the wan glow of so many LCD screens. I guess most people don't like sitting in the dark. I thought it was exhilarating. But then again, I felt pretty safe sitting there next to Stephen.

In other news, two NYPD detectives showed up Sunday night to check on us. They were following up on our burglary !!! They came to see if our landlord had paid restitution and find out if we wanted to press charges. Of course we did not want to press charges, and we were shocked that the detectives took the time to come out to our little place to tie up the loose ends of our tiny little theft. Gave me a little more faith in those cops that do so love to run red lights.

Facebook and the week in review

Vineyard Men (1995?) - Day Off at Carowinds
Rene, Amin, Josh, Ryan, Carson, Andy, Guillome (?), Jeremy



Vineyard Ladies (1995?) - Day Off at Carowinds
_____, me, Kate, Katie(?), _____, Rebecca


So I have joined Facebook, at the suggestion of Ms. Julie and I am certainly glad I did!! As opposed to my brief experience with MySpace, when I go into Facebook I am greeted by loads of familiar and friendly faces that I had no idea how to find. Props on the "Old Skool Vineyard" group Julie!! The pictures are amazing. Ah, the nostalgia. Those easy days when you spend the summer working 24 hours a day for that brilliant $35 check to blow on your day off. But the friendships made were forged in steel and ...blabbity blah blah blah, cheesy statement and more cheese and mushy sentences.
Conclusion: I love my Vineyard buds and its awesome to be able to reach them all in one place. Cheers to that.

We have been reading The Deathly Hallows, the latest and last Harry Potter book. I say we because Stephen and I always read HP out loud to each other. It takes 3 times as long to finish it this way but we enjoy it. We have also listened to all of the books on tape with Jim Dale as the narrator. These are priceless and if you haven't tried one yet, I highly recommend it. The man is a ..er.. wizard with voices. Makes long drives and rainy days incredibly entertaining. Of course all of this only applies to those who actually enjoy HP... if you are one of those who think he is a satanic character in an evil book series that Christians should be ashamed of themselves for reading and instead burn in mass protest.. please disregard.

I finally got my hair cut this week. It has been in dire need of some shape for many moons. I have not had it cut since I was last in NC and got to go and see Toby. Toby is my southern hair genius in Greensboro. He and I have reached that much sought after level of friendship between hair stylist and client. I get a great hug when I show up and the hair cut doesn't last long enough for us to dish all our latest news. I make an appointment every single time I am home, whether I need it or not. I have finally found someone I like here though, her name is Aurora and she is Albanian. Wednesday, as I walked the mile and a half from my office on 50th and 5th to Aurora's shop on 74th and 2nd, I found myself wishing I was walking to see Toby. Aurora is very sweet and I she does an excellent job but she is very quiet and I miss my Toby hugs. I also started to get nervous about the tips. That's right, I stress about tipping in the city. I know who I need to tip and have learned the appropriate amounts. The stress in this situation comes from needing to tip the person that washes your hair. I have no problem getting my tip to Aurora, and am thrilled to do it. But, for some reason, it is always hugely awkward to tip the hair washer for me. This time was no different. I left my bag in the other room, so when the sweet woman who washed my hair walked me back to Aurora's station and handed me my glass of water, I grabbed my bag from the floor where I had left it and fumbled around for my wallet while she stood there for a moment. As soon as I located my wallet and plunged in for the tip, she turned and walked into the back room. I held my tip out with burning cheeks and uttered some guttural version of "wait.. here..thank you" but it was lost. So then I was faced with the decision of whether to follow her and give her the tip or just let it go. I have followed in the past but this time decided to just let it go. Mistake. Felt horrible for the duration, particularly when she came 3 times to sweep up the hair around the chair while Aurora was working. Damn!!! Why am I so awkward like that?! I never had to worry about that at home, Toby washes my hair himself. I never worried in Florida because Stephen is the one who cut my hair then. Tipping is so ungraceful an act. Next time she will probably accidentally wash my hair with Nair or something. Despite my self imposed anxiety, my hair looked great. I took a cab on the way back to the office and the cabby actually called me "doll" and "doll face" several times. As in "Thank you so much!" (me handing him my tip) " Anything for you, doll face!". Silly as it seems, I left the cab grinning.

I went to my last Summer Associate event on Thursday. It was a sailboat ride on the Hudson. This is my favorite event that we do. Its so calm and everyone has to stay seated so I don't have to mingle and small talk. I just sit with Carol and Abigail away from the group and visit with them. I am not that anti-social but small talk and visiting really takes it out of me. I like to have real conversations. I am not very good at small talk either. I run out of topics quickly and am left staring over the other person's shoulder before one of us decides to "get another drink" and gracefully departs. People at work must think I am not much of an admin. I try really hard though. I smile and make eye contact and try to look interested in what is being said, praying inside that the group will continue to talk amongst itself and I won't be called upon to contribute. Yikes, I am making myself sound like a social freak today.

After boating and on the way to the next spot, I had a very interesting conversation with one of our summers. Early in the summer, at our wine tasting event, this particular summer was talking to Malani and I and blurted out something about his blog. We asked what it was called and he was tight lipped for a moment. Then I revealed that I too had a blog and that I would tell him the name of mine if he would share his. He agreed, and I checked it out the first chance I got. I have been reading it ever since. I thought for sure that he would never remember the name ( I don't know why I thought that since he is in the top of his class at law school ). Well I was wrong. We got to talking as we were leaving Chelsea Piers and he told me he had been reading it and just wanted to know what happened with Florida. I was a little caught off guard at first, and let him know I had been reading his too. This was my first experience talking to someone who had been reading my blog, other than close friends or family. I have to say it was pretty neat. It wasn't like we were instant friends or anything but there was a nice familiarity there. We talked about Stephen and his wife and how each of us met and how we ended up in NY. He is from VA, so even though he is not a Carolina boy there is some common ground there both being from Confederate States. Anyway, the experience of having a relative stranger talk to me about my blog was one I have never had and I just wanted to say it wasn't bad. It was nice to dispense with the small talk for a change.

Well I better bring this to a close.
Regarding Florida, what Ellen said in her comment was right on. I am still processing it all but Stephen and I feel a definite change in our way of life. I am fighting depression a little still and am trying to soften the edge I seem to have picked up around the house. I have no reason to be depressed at all its just... going through all that anxiety for such a long time has left me a bit empty. I am a little more emotional than I would like to be and my mind is whirring with desires and plans and doubts etc. It's a pain, but it would have been doing the same thing if we were in Florida right now. I just need to clear my head and get my faith back in place. I have everything to be thankful for and I do, in fact, like where I am, it's just hard to keep that disappointment at bay sometimes.
Anyway, if you made it to the end of this wandering post, I offer my congratulations.. it was a doozy.

Later!

SIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah.. so the whole moving to Florida thing.. that's not happening. I guess I underestimated that .0000001% chance and it's exacting its revenge upon our life plans and goals.

So we are staying put here in Brooklyn. Yay. No seriously, yay. I really do mean it...yay. Well maybe not as "yay" as the cute little yellow house I had picked out for us in Sarasota.... but .. yeah, Brooklyn is a "yay" . Not as "yay" as the great little yard that Oliver would have been able to run in or the garden area I would have grown tomatoes and parsley in but..sure.. "yay" is appropriate, I think. Yeah. Yay for Brooklyn and for subways to ride and laundry to push down the sidewalk. Yay for no washer and dryer in our house. Icky! Who wants to do their laundry right there in the house?! That's just no fun at all! No it's much more fun to carry your groceries from the store in Union Square down through the subway halls to the train and then stand in the crowded car with your bags before walking the 5 blocks from the 36th Street stop to 193A and our 3rd floor walk up. SO much better than having a car to and a parking lot and a kitchen on a ground floor. Gross!! Yeah, you guys out there in the suburbs just don't know what you are missing out on man! I got serious muscles and I haven't worked out like.. ever! It's all from just trying to live in this concrete jungle. Pretty convenient actually. It is all good. You know it! Word! Word to your mother 'n stuff. Word to your grandmother even. Yo.

I pretty much don't want to talk about the whole saga anymore but I will say that in the end Stephen and I decided that it just wasn't the right decision and even though we were still waiting on a definitive answer on whether the position would even be available (%$#@#?!?!!!?!) we came to the conclusion that it was just not the right choice. There were multiple factors involved in this decision but the main two were A) time and B) money. Not enough of either to warrant relocation from our comfy little abode here. So, there you have it ..in a nutshell. Sorry ya'll. Feel horrible that everyone in our lives had to watch this train wreck but hey.. that's just the risk you accept in reading this particular blog. Hope it hasn't been as painful for you as it was for us.

We are happy with our decision... just a little bruised right now. It's been a long 3 months. We have big plans for our remaining time here. We are constantly reminded that we have no idea how long (or short) that might be. At any rate, one of those big plans is to find a new job for Stephen. So that's our next big undertaking right now.

I am fighting being pretty down and struggling to keep it together lately. This is made infinitely easier by the people I work with and the fact that we are constantly working on events for our Summer Associates. These are always fun and we have an amazing class of summers this year so that makes it all the more enjoyable. Of course being with Stephen is the icing on the cake. Being able to come home to him at night is what keeps me sane and despite my internal battles and biting back the occasional storm of tears at my desk, I am able to smile and keep it light. This is merciful since allowing that much emotion to engulf you is pretty exhausting in every way.

So after all I have said in this post.. I hope that I will not bring up Florida again, but that I can just move onto the next phase gracefully and completely. However I can not promise this so.. just in case I slip up ... please keep some forgiveness and patience on hand.

Love you guys out there.. thanks for everything.

Deja Vu

...and again... nothing....nada.. zero.. zip... zilch...goose egg...

you get the picture. Don't really feel like talking about it.

xoxo

Deafening

Not one word.



"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience , and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light."

Colossians 1: 9-12
Much Love.
XOXO

Smile.. it's Tuesday!

Photos that make me smile..



Stormy weather at the peak of Cadillac Mountain in Acadia National Park. This time last year.



My birthday last year in the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens. Overlooking the Rose Garden.



Oliver The Small, welcoming me home with his trusty green newspaper.



OMG Jack White! There he is!!! It's him!!! It's really Jack White!!!! Aaaaaaaaah!!!
(Birthday present last year, Raconteurs concert with Stephen)



John and Mariel in Central Park. John smiling and the incredible woman who makes him smile.


Today was replete with support for every angle. I got emails from my Ellen, and my Mary that contained the perfect phrases to calm my heart and help me focus on the joys in the day.

Tonight, as I rode the D train home with Stephen, I got that feeling. That feeling I sometimes get when I am whizzing past the Brooklyn Bridge. That feeling that strikes my heart and I am suddenly in awe of my surroundings. Aware of the thousands of buildings and millions of people all around me, eating, sleeping, jogging, getting a promotion, getting fired, giving a presentation, taking a deposition, performing a surgery, giving birth, walking with a parent, sitting in class, rushing down stairs, riding a bus..riding the subway..riding the D train. The hum of the city, the awe that it can strike in your heart. All at once you wonder if it is man's creation that you are in awe of .. or God's many creations inhabiting this environment. It is easy to fall in love with this city. I can understand why Keller loves it so much. There's something about it that is all at once innocent and corrupt and each day finds you faced with another side of it's personality. Yesterday it may have thrown up on your shoes and given you a parking ticket..today it hands out free ice cream cones and JCrew coupons. It woos you to love it, though you know it will betray you. There is always the hope that some day, you will fall in step with it's rhythm. I have never loved people as much as I have since my inhabitation of this city. Maybe that's why I have such a crush on it.

Tomorrow my friends.. I will let you know as soon as I know. Much love to you all. Your prayers are felt.

Monday's secret wish and various things that made me cranky today..

Today I did something that I am a little shy to admit too but in the spirit of keeping myself distracted until Wednesday .. I am gonna let ya'll in.
Today, I decided to buy myself a present. I had seen this great summer perfume at Anthropologie a long while ago. It is called "Woman in Yellow". This is, in fact, what stopped me buying it the first go round. I will not be one of those chicks who buys perfume at stinkin' Anthropologie, and I certainly won't be one who wears a scent with such a gosh awful cheese ball name like that!!!! Forget it. Well... I couldn't. I don't have a summer scent and I have started to tire of my winter ones, too heavy for the heat. I digress. I went to Anthropologie at lunch today and (gulp) purchased "Woman in Yellow". Here's were the story gets a little more.. original. The girl at the counter was going on and on about how pretty the bottle was and such, and then she asked me if it was a present and would I like a box. And I said.. yes! I knew it was a present for myself, but I hate it when people say that to check out people. I don't know why. So I said it was a present and left it at that. She wrapped it up safe in the perfect little box and gave me that cute little bird tag with that colorful green string. When I got back to my desk.. I carefully tied up the little box in the string and set it in my bag to open later. So there you have it.. pretty silly I guess but it was just what I needed today. I opened it with Stephen just moments ago and modeled my new scent for him. He approves. Sometimes it's just nice to have something to be excited over.. that was my hope/wish/prayer for today and I am happy with the result.

In other news.. here are 3 things that were irritating today.

1) People staring at my sunburned shins.

I am very fair and every summer since I was a teenager I have struggled over laying out to burn/tan or just embracing my fair complexion. Last summer, I finally came to grips with my true self. I stayed fair and loved it. This year I wanted to do the same .. but I burned the heck out of my shins in Maine. Yes, I forgot to put on sunscreen. Duh. It looks like I am wearing rust colored shin guards now and there is nothing I can do short of applying self tanner for the rest of the summer (ick) or burning the rest of my legs (healthy?). Today was the first day I actually ventured to work in a short dress that showcased my shins. Damn it people!! Mind your own business!! How do you know I wasn't in some massive chemical accident and scarred for life when I was 14.. doomed to sport red shins for eternity?!?! huh??? Several times today I found myself biting my tongue to keep from saying in a loud obnoxious voice "Yeah! I got sunburned!! What? WHAT!!!" So I am a little sensitive today.. What? WHAT!!!! :)

2) Manhattan once overs

Dude. Keep your eyes to yourself will ya?? You too lady! Check out my outfit then my hair and my face.. then my shoes and my face again.. boobs.. face. Butt.. face. Seriously man, I can SEE YOU!!! A little respect. That goes for my homeys in the neighborhood. Honestly.. every time you call me "Mah-Mi" followed by "Sexy" and a string of Spanish that I have no hope of understanding I just want to drag you back to my apartment and commit illicit acts with you all afternoon (sarcasm alert)!! Wow.. what a turn-on to be heckled on the sidewalk every single stinkin' morning I walk to the subway. Frankly it doesn't threaten me.. I do not feel unsafe.. just embarrassed .. CONSTANTLY embarrassed for YOU, dude. A leering smile would be sufficient.

3) Isabelle's Mom

Listen lady, I know I don't have kids yet but I am gonna do some back-seat-parenting right now. I had my iPod up as high as I felt was safe and I could still hear your kid screaming about wanting her "Chocolate Milky NOW!!!!" If my kid ever tells me they want ANYTHING "NOW!!!" it won't be pretty. You were calm, you tried to reason with her, telling her the rest of us on the R train didn't want to hear her being so loud. You reminded her that she had an icy pop at her friend's house just then and didn't she like that better than chocolate milk? Then you gave her an ultimatum. If she didn't get it together by the time you counted until (wait for it) TEN.. she was going to lose her chocolate milk privileges. You reminded her you were giving her a "nice long count" twice before you started your slow verbal accent to the big 1_0. Again I say.. a little respect hon. Don't let your 3 year old treat you like that ! I respect your efforts but honestly.. stiffen up. Sometimes a kid needs a little discipline. Don't let your kid talk down to you lady.. she is the kid remember?

With that I will close for this evening. Here's hoping tomorrow I can come up with 3 things that make me smile about my environment. No word yet on Sarasota guys.. counting down until Wednesday. Please pray with us. We only want what He wants.

Can't think of a title for this one...

(Central Park.. model boats - last weekend's post Redeemer stroll)

I am not sure how to start this post, so I will start with this indecisive sentence. What a week. So many things have gone wrong, sour, or just badly this week that I am actually tired of hearing myself talk about them. So in keeping with the open nature of this blog, I will reveal my hardship - but in condensed form. Two sentences for each of the 2 worst events of the week:

1. I had another massive migraine for the 4th this year due to the weather. Felt better in the evening and went to the fireworks, only to have it return with a furry that found me running around SoHo desperate for a bathroom to be sick in at 11pm.

2. Stephen and I both came down with a version of Montezuma's Revenge, and didn't decide to see a doctor until the end of the week. With all the doctor's offices in our neighborhood closed on Friday (surprise!!!) we finally had to trek to Brighton Beach (near Coney Island) to see a Russian doctor and get some meds while I shriveled with guilt at not being at work while I was supposed to be filling in for Carol, who was on vacation.

There you have it. The worst 2 in 2.

Even with all of that.. I seem to have escaped any depression or even a lasting bad mood. Could it be I am numb with expectation ?? That must be it. Speaking of which that brings me too the..

Sarasota Update:
Houston, we have a problem. The job that Nathan was going to get with IT.. now has 2 applicants. So its Nathan vs. Some Other Guy. Yikes. This was originally a "sure thing". Now it's a "we would really like to hire you but we can let you know for sure on Wednesday" thing. Stephen and I are preparing our minds for the "worst". Which, in all honesty, really wouldn't be that bad. At least we would know something definite. Staying here would not be too painful. Just another bump in the road to my long dreamed of pregnancy. Yes, it really is all about me :) Anyway.. by Wednesday we should have an answer.. and I hope we do.. since I am supposed to fly out to FL to find us a place to live on Friday!!! I am doing this because, though we know of a wonderful home we could rent sight unseen, the rental market in Florida is headed toward rock bottom and I want to make sure I make the best choice for us.. for the $$. Anyway.. there's a good chance that I might just be taking a credit for my ticket now :) (sigh)

I will close with something I have been pondering since I started working at 30 Rock. Why is it, that tourists always wear light colored clothing? It seems to me that every time I turn around there is a mother and daughter/ father and son/ GF and BF posing for a picture in front of the building in light blue jeans and pale green "NYC" t-shirt. Is it that New Yorkers are always wearing darker colors? Or do the majority of Americans actually have "vacation wear" that they only break out when they go on trips? Anyone else notice this ? Maybe it's just me.

PS. Check out some of the videos in the top right corner.. just added this new feature. Some of these are rated PG and possibly R so .. view at your own risk. Thus ends my disclaimer.