Montauk

Went to the doctor today, again, and everything looks good. This is 34 weeks, so that means that if I go into labor at any point from now until 8/6, they won't try and stop it. One thing that did concern me was my weight gain. For the 3rd appointment in a row I gained nothing at all... one of those appointments I had actually lost weight. So far for the pregnancy I have gained 42 pounds so that is good for the pregnancy as a whole. However these are those crucial last few weeks when the babies put on the weight they need to stay strong and healthy on the outside. I don't know what I am doing wrong but the doctor just suggested that I try to eat more, even though I don't really feel like it right now. Cheese, yogurt, peanut butter crackers.. stuff like that. I guess it doesn't help matters that all I seem to want to eat is fresh fruit and veggies.. not too many calories or protein there. So I had a hamburger for lunch with a baked potato and several servings of yogurt this afternoon. Hopefully when I got back next week we will see some results from my face stuffing. The doctor was not too too concerned about it but I am because I really want them to be able to come home with me from the hospital and not have to hang out in the NICU at all if we can help it. Wish me luck. 

In other news, I have been obsessed with Montauk lately. I love the pictures of Stephen and I there at our 5th anniversary. I love the thought of a winter beach. I loved the quiet of the deserted sand as we wandered around at sunset. I have watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind every day for the last 3 days straight and cried every time at the scene in which Clementine whispers "Meet me in Montauk.." into Joel's ear as his last memory of her fades from the screen. I thought it might just be a fascination with the genius of Charlie Kaufman's skills as a screenwriter. So I tried watching Adaptation one day. Brilliant film, but it didn't hold the same magical quality as Eternal Sunshine. I have seen this movie so many times I am surprised that the DVD player hasn't mutinied and refused to play it for me. For some reason it is very comforting to me. The movie, the place, it's like drinking  a cup of hot herbal tea that I am not allowed at present. Soothing. I took a look at the calendar today and I could use the comfort. As I have said before, I think I am as nervous as I am excited about this new venture of ours. I was struck recently by the sheer permanence of the situation. As in, once they are here.. they are here... forever. As someone who (sad to admit) rarely sees projects through to their conclusion, this was a startling thought. Of course I liken their arrival to my marriage to Stephen. That is forever and, though it has been hard at times, it has been the greatest joy of my life thus far. I take comfort in that.